Dog Community

Playmate is going downhill

Posted : 8/17/2012 6:37:12 PM

Murphy is my 2 year old lab, and he can wear me and his little brother out pretty fast. We are lucky to have friends to have playdates with. Recently I have noticed a potiential problem with Zues, a male rottie, who is really sweet.

I think the problem is coming from Zues' Owners, like most behavior issues. In my opinion they maybe could have waited to add a dog to their family. They brought him home soon after they found out they were about to have their first baby. We started taking Zues with our family on our outings because Zues' owners were not able to come for one reason or another. Having a baby makes a person very busy. He was a great playmate at this time. He was young and my boys are great as far as getting along with a pack, so he had good examples to follow, and he was even doing a great job with my little doxie mix.

Since then the baby has been born and Zues is left outside all alone even when they are home for almost a whole year now. We have not been going over to pick him up as much due to the fact that we are both workin almost double the hours we used to and we take our dogs out every single day for off leash time, or doggy school, or playdates or whatever. I took my dogs over there last night to play in thier fenced yard while we got some things ready for thier baby's 1st birthday party.

I was keeping an eye on the window, because Zues can get a little to excited for Maynard (7lbs) and I worry. I noticed that instead of playing, Zues seemed to be making sure that neither of my dogs had any of his toys. This is not to say that he was being aggressive at all, just guarding them and if one of my guys managed to get a toy, he used all his might to get it back. He used to share easily, I think maybe his toys are mopre important to him than they used to be because they are all he has to play with. He also didn't used to be a growler, when he wrestled, but now he sounds as if he is going to rip Murph-ola apart. I wouldn't normally think anything of it, I know he is just playing, but it's the change in behaviors that I am worried about. He also cannot play soft anymore, he just keeps getting rougher and rougher until Murphy doesn't even want to play anymore, which I have never seen before.

I wonder if he just has anxiety. He also chases shawdows compulsively, to an unhealthy degree. They stress him, out you can see it all over him, in his body language.

Anyway, I know what I would do if Zues were my dog, but he is not. I don't want to hurt my friends' feelings but I think he deserves a lot more attention, and since they brought him into thier world I think they should be the ones to give it. Take some responsibility. I also dont see how they can lavish so much attention on thier daughter's every bowel movement, while totally ignoring thier son's (Zues) NEEDS. I may not understand because I haven't given birth to kids of my own, but I think what they are doing is wrong and I really dont know how to bring it up in a positive way and to get the importantce of socialization accross to them. Mostly I hate to think of him just hanging out alone all the time out there, it makes me sad. Makes me think he has to be sad too, every single day.

Would appreciate any input. Am I being over the top or overly-sensitive? Is it none of my bussiness? How do I bring it up? Do I bring it up?

Freedom

Posted : 8/17/2012 8:27:05 PM

kendall_the_great
Since then the baby has been born and Zues is left outside all alone even when they are home for almost a whole year now.
Would appreciate any input. Am I being over the top or overly-sensitive? Is it none of my bussiness? How do I bring it up? Do I bring it up?

No, you are not over the top, or overly sensitive. This doggie was the light of their world and had lots of time and attention and suddenly it all stopped. Dogs are very social creatures, they live in packs and his pack has ostracized him.

They are your friends, and you have been quite involved with Zeus (from the sounds of it), so I think you should be able to raise the topic with them. It is your business and you can bring it up. How? Ah gee, I always get an "F" in tact, not sure but I'll give it a try.

This is not something you discuss in the middle of the birthday party or any other event, you want a more quiet visit time. You can joke that you hope they don't have another child as then x (daughter's name) will be booted out of the family and ostracized like they did with Zeus! Now that SHOULD get their attention! Then you can describe what you have seen / observed / noticed. Be prepared for some push back, some "he's a DOG for goodness sake's" type replies. Stick to your position, but explain. Describe the interactions which dogs, even outdoor dogs, need from their family, to be well socialized. Are they afraid Zeus will harm the baby? Is this an oversight on their part? Are they thinking this is how a dog should be (wrong!) At the extreme, they may say, "do you want him?" Be prepared for that too.

I'm sure others on here will have more / better ways to handle it; but handle it you should. Zeus can't speak for himself, and from your description, he is hurting emotionally.

JackieG

Posted : 8/18/2012 12:50:56 PM

I agree with you that Zues needs more than he's getting from his owners. It is normal for new parents to be very busy and enthralled with the new baby and there's nothing wrong with that. It sounds like they are average type dog owners who don't understand the ramifcations to their dog.

It's always tricky to talk to people about this subject. You can come across sounding like you think the dog is more important than their child which will surely offend them and make any exchange of information impossible. As Sandy said, dogs are very social animals and they often develop behavior problems if left alone with no mental or physical stimulation or interaction with their families.

Zeus' play style changes may have nothing to do with the change in his family. As dogs grow out of young puppyhood they often develop a rougher play style. Guarding the toys may be a trait that has a genetic component. Dogs, like people, are always changing as they grow and go through different life stages.

If these are friends that you feel will be open and receptive, you can talk to them about the changes you've noticed. Without being judgemental, you could say you wish you had more free time to come get Zues for walks and play dates because his new lonely existence (which you completely understand) is very hard on him emotionally. They might be able to hire a dog walker a few times a week or take Zues to a doggy day care for some activity and play time. Even ten minutes of interaction several times a day can make a huge difference. Sometimes people think they just can't carve out an hour to run with the dog or throw the ball but breaking it up into a few minutes a couple of times a day can do wonders. I would not suggest they get another dog to keep Zues company. Lots of people who find they no longer have time for the dog get another in the hopes that they will entertain each other. This doesn't always work out well and often turns into an even bigger problem for the dogs and people.

If all else fails then Zues may be better off being rehomed. Before his behavior gets worse and while he's young enough to find a new home. It's hard to suggest that to people and most are shocked at the thought. But the alternative for Zues is a possible life of isolation in the yard and that is no life for a dog.

calliecritturs

Posted : 8/18/2012 11:32:10 PM

**VERY** well said, Jackie - every single word.

kendall_the_great

Posted : 8/20/2012 10:06:26 AM

Thank you all! It is just good to know that I am not being overbearing or anything. I know most people dont see thier pets the way I do, I can be one who easily offends people on the subject of kids and pets.I will try to keep your comments in mind and keep my objectivity when I talk to the owners. They really do care about him, I think they just need a little help on how to care FOR him.

I feel better about bringing it up, thanks again!