Murphy Blog

ORIGINAL: nfowler
Kelly, I owe you a note with some information (and I promise to hit my email soon, I do).

 
Good grief Nancy, that's the last thing you need to be concerning yourself with right now.
 

ORIGINAL: nfowler
I guess I'm getting used to having a disabled dog. I guess I am. I'm not as obsessed with "fixing him" like I used to be. I'm not awake all night, tossing and turning, worried about Ellie, worried about Murphy, worried about my fat cat. I'm not constantly checking him out for signs whenever he is moving. I'm settling in with it all.

 
I think that it's completely natural to obsess about these things.  We all want to "fix" our kids when they are unhealthy or hurting.  But you do have to at some point accept what you cannot fix and focus on making life as enjoyable as possible for everyone.  I can't even tell you how sad I was when my oldest boy suddenly went blind.  Everyone gave me wonderful, encouraging words about how well he would compensate...but the thing is I didn't want him to be blind.  I wanted him to be healthy and whole and to continue doing the things he loved so much like racing across the yard and catching his ball and bringing it back to me over and over and over.  And HE seemed to be so sad.
 
But then someone said something to me that really hit home.  "Dogs don't have regrets".  As soon as I got my mind wrapped around that concept...everything changed.  I truly stopped feeling sad, and he shortly thereafter stopped acting sad.  I was the one making him sad, not the blindness.  And now he is back to his old self.  I've had to change the types of toys we play with so that he can find them, but he's just as happy with them.  Maybe even more happy because the games are more mentally stimulating for him now. 
 
It's not the same thing as what you are going through, I realize that.  But our emotions are so easily picked up on by our dogs.  Once we can be at peace with the way things are...they will be more at peace as well.

I'm glad you have a more accepting attitude now, so much better for you and your dog! I know how hard it is to accept things we worry about!

Very good analogy.  Dogs often pick up on our emotions and mirror them back.....one of the many reasons we love them so much. 

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I'm glad you wrote that, Kelly. We see things so different than they do. It's true!
 
However, and this is part of my obsession, perhaps, I could really accept Murphy more easily if he weren't sitting in this state of constant change. Sally, you asked me last week if he limped. No, never. Not until last night. His right hip has grown remarkably weaker in the last 16 hours and he is holding it up now, limping, and unable to jump up on my couch.
 
I'm afraid things are getting worse for my woolly mammoth. (My nickname for him.)
 
He will most likely need that hip worked on again. I have a call into the PT and from there I'll have to make a bunch of decisions. I wish so badly that I wasn't in a weird spot at work, too, where I feel like I can't take any time off.
 
This is a nightmare!

Hips don't usually go fast and get worse over a period of hours.  Have them check his knee......

What are the symptoms, Sally? His knee doesn't feel swollen, but he is wobbly and doesn't want to extend his leg, trots rather than walks (to spend less time on it, I presume). I gave him a big more of his pain pill and he's hopping on my bed again. There's no stopping him.
 
The original surgeon, like I said, is being extremely cooperative and said that she'll meet with me whenever Murph and I can get there. The PT is booked for now; it takes a few days to see the local surgeon, and the holistic one is out of town. That leaves Ellie and Murph's GP (so to speak) and since Ellie has to give them another urine sample (I hope she doesn't have stones forming, I really do), I can take Murphy in and see if they'll check him out and I'm pretty sure that I can do that tomorrow.
 
This truly is a nightmare. Having nowhere "normal" to go just exacerbates it all for me, too.

I'm sorry for what your going thru Nancy. I hope that you can settle things. I know that horrible feeling that you need to be able to "take care of business" but tied down at work.
All of us here at Idog hope that you  can get out of your nightmare!
Good luck!

Thanks Dyan. I better hurry to work now (huhhhh). Murphy seems to be better today. I think part of my panic is my grief over losing my Mom and I'm still connecting to that desperate feeling of needing to make sure there was no stone left unturned and that we did everything we could possibly do for her (my Mom). I'm sure it affects me today. In fact, I know it does.
 
You know what I find so frustrating? The fact that HD is rather common. I mean, really. Arthritis, cancer, skin issues--all of that seems very common for dogs these days. And I live in a (trying to be) progressive town of nearly 500,000 and yet nobody seems to know enough about it all. Surgeons want to operate, GP vets want to medicate. Where is there somebody who knows a fair amount to figure out how to live with it WHILE you work toward goals?
 
Argh.

Surgeons want to operate, GP vets want to medicate.

 
Unfortunately, just like human medicne!

Symptom is favoring one leg. Often holding it up. There are ligaments in their knees that can tear.  It's a vet's diagnosis, they do a drawer test to see if the knee feels loose.  The conservative treatment involves confining the amount of movement, no jumping, running, etc.  The surgical treatment.....I don't think you want to go there.  If he continues limping without pain meds, I'd have it checked.  Pain meds can mask symptoms, and cause them to do more damage.  If it is the beginning of a knee issue, you want to start conservative management with it so it doesn't get worse.

Sally... how is Murhpy??
And how is Ellie?

Is he still favoring his leg even when he's not on pain meds?
we need updates
I think about you all and wonder how you are doing with all of this! I wory about Murphy since we've been through some similar stuff as you.
Oliver's hip has still not gotten strong to the point that it doesn't pop in and out... yes I think there is some improvement, but even with a TON of walking he's still popping in and out. God it's depressing!
I think I'm similar to you... i stay in this state of hypervigilance over him and it stinks.

Thanks for blogging back, everybody! It's a nice Sunday here in Boise (whew) and for the first time in days and days, we're dry. No rain. Murphy is doing much much better so I'm off of the knee obsession for now. Don't worry, I'm OCDing all kinds of things, but for now, that isn't my biggest concern.
 
I'm taking Tuesday off so that our great holistic DVM can see him and I left early on Friday and surprised them both by taking them outside with me (it was fairly dry) while I worked in my (pathetic) yard. He's been doing better. I think he might have slipped on that hip and hurt it. On a sad note, I noticed on Friday how different Ellie and Murphy look. They laid on the deck, side-by-side, and Ellie just closed her eyes in the breeze while Murphy looked pained. He really did. I want that look to go away.
 
I've been thinking more and more about THR and FHO and I'm going to see if Murphy can wait to see the original surgeon until the first of May. My boss has promised he'll be back to work (that's another irritation of this whole thing, including even adopting Murph Man) and then I'll feel like I can take a couple of days here and there and not be logging on every two seconds. So, Tuesday is a day for all of us here. Ellie and her crystals (sigh) and Murphy and his HD (double sigh). Good thing I keep adding to his savings.
 
I have some stock that I can sell to help Murphy, too. So, there is that. Trust me, Karen, that has not always been the case, but I have a little now that I could cash in and then save my reserves (ha) for additonal things. (Like more vet bills . . . )
 
I had great intentions of working hard in my yard today but, alas, I slept on "the big bed" (my bed) with Murphy and Ellie (who only stays for awhile) and had a great 90-min nap. Didn't even work out or ride my bike, which can always be such a Big Deal for me. But, boy, did we have a good afternoon.
 
And now I'd better get outside. I actually have a great yard, but the continual ice and flooding rains have killed some of my grass--well, and so have the dogs, with their urine. Knowing my luck, Ellie will get HD at some point (I'm scared to have her hips checked but when she goes in for her dental this year, I will, just so that I know; however, she is so opposite of Murphy in the way she uses her hips because she is so darn normal) and Murphy probably has crystals. My life, in a nutshell. Back luck. I'll take no luck over bad luck at this point!
 
I have bulbs galore to plant--leftoevers I stored from last year--and I can only hope they don't dig them up! We'll see. El has never had alone-time outside privileges and I'm sure that will continue, this time for both of them. Dogs tend to do naughty things when left outside alone. My good old hound did not, but since getting both Ellie and Murphy (remember when the broke into my closet a couple of months ago and ripped up everything) I've had my heart broken so many times that I do not trust them at all.
 
I hope Oliver's hip gets in line. It's stressful. It really is. And I always think that everyone can "see" that Murphy isn't exactly normal so I'm the first to discuss it. And I wish I would stop being so darn obsessed and just enjoy him. He's doing so much better than he was, in so many ways, even a week ago, let alone a year ago. He has a working vocabulary and he's passed obedience and he gets to sleep inside and gets walked each day, and yet there is a part of me that simply cannot let this go. I'm sure some of it is my grief, still, over losing my mom (and I'm pretty young to not have a mom) to a disease we knew would take her life, no matter what. And some of it is the fact that Murphy needs so much work in order to feel better. And art of it IS the money--I mean, we can't deny that. Part of that, too, is knowing that everyone is about making their business run, too. Here I am, about to spend more money on these dogs. It'a amazing. It would be a miracle if we could go 3 months without a vet visit, bill, new vet visit, a 4-hour drive to see a previous vet, etc. It's so scary. I better never lose this job of mine. Ever. I better hope for a bonus or two this year, too, though I've been so distracted with home life who knows if I'm up for a monetary bonus. I can tell that I haven't given it my "all" these past few months.
 
BTW, at the end of the month Ellie (Murphy? Hmm, don't know as of now, though he could do it) will be in a Rally O Expo. I'll take pictures and post one or two. I'm very nervous because Ellie is very smart and cute as a button (like the infamous labradoodles) and she does some great Rally O moves but it's on her turf and her time. Oh Ellie. And Murphy, because he's just, well, so good to listen to me, is invited but we'll play it by ear. He is better, but I'm not sure he's that much better, even with a course that's been heavily modified to fit his special needs.
 
Give Oliver and Casey and that Great Dane and those darling Schnauzers kisses from me. And I'm thinking of you and Oliver while Murphy and I do slight hill work, too!  

Nancy, read your fascinating blog, but I have a question.  Why would you think Ellie is going to get HD? Other than she's related to Murphy?  When you walk her, if she does not have a sway walk, I wouldn't bother to have her tested. 
 
My Lucky had her teeth cleaned a few months back.  I suspected she also had a fractured foot, too, but that's another story, so I told the vet to x-ray her foot and front leg.  The vet called me and said, well, she's out, and I thought I felt some grinding in her hip, want me to x-ray that, too?  Sure, why not?  It's only another $150......  I knew she didn't have HD.  When she walks there is no sway at all.  So, I moved $150 from my wallet to the vets to confirm what I knew.  We now have great x-rays of Lucky's perfect hips!  I know better than to look for problems where none exist, but did it anyway.  If Ellie is not having problems, I'd suggest that you act like you're smarter than me.....LOL

Good point, Sally. I have been feeling guilty (I'm like a broken record) for not having her hips x-rayed because vets have told me to! I've had a couple tell me that I should, because I need to know what I'm possibly in for, but maybe waiting until I see it is best.
 
There is a potential test out there that would tell me (and my sisters, for that matter) whether we'll inherit Mom's fatal disease and none of us has opted to take it.
 
Sometimes NOT pushing the issue/envelope is the best thing. Ellie has all four of her legs firmly planted on the ground and she never lays froggie like (with her legs behind her). Other than little dogs and bears, I've never seen a dog do that, not like Murphy does. Ellie did have a broken right leg which was just out of a cast when I got her and sometimes I notice it's a bit sore, but again, it's nothing like Murphy. She can jump high and long and she can do a perfect Drop--with her front legs hitting first followed by her back--in a way Murphy can't.
 
On a fun note, he ran with the big dogs at Rally O practice last night. Yes, he practiced--for about 5 minutes, doing very wide Figure 8s, but after that he played. And played. And played. He hopped into the air a couple of times (I finally looked away) and jumped at the Danes. Oh yes, there were Dane dogs there that he couldn't quite reach since he's only as tall as a Wheaten (a small Lab boy my Murphy is).
 
He really had a good time.