Could use some good thots...Snickers has IMHA

So much harder for those of us left behind.  My heart is filled with sorrow for you, it is never easy to lose our loved ones, our fur babies. 

Snickers is on a new adventure now, but awaits you and yours at the bridge.  Hey Snickers...find my Codycoe who is waiting for me at the bridge.  You guys have some fun while you wait.

Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts.  I remember how hard these first days and weeks can be...wishing you peace. 

... it's so hard to imagine that this little bag of ashes was once my dog. The vet's office made me a paw print from her paw in clay and gve me some forget me not seeds. I have to find a nice box for the ashes. I keep having horrid nightmares that she wasn't dead during the cremation, it's very disturbing. I don't know if getting the ashes back was a good thing, because it's really set me back emotionally from yesterday.

I miss her so darn much... I often feel like I "see" her out of the corner of my eye and then it's just a trick of light or shadow. Then I see the other two run by and in that moment I've forgotten and I'm waiting for a third black form to run by... moments pass and when she doesn't my breath just catches in my throat and it all comes back.

My sister in law made me a very nice frame a picture of her in the snow on top of a mountain... A fitting picture. When that fed-ex envelope arrived boy did that get me sobbing. 

I can't top thinking about the what-ifs... like Dyan researching the mesa-esophogus, I find myself researching the IMHA, ITP and Evan's disease, searching for clues as to what we or the vets could have done differently. I can't help thinking if they'd watched the platelets more closely or substituted the new med sooner when they had to take her off the others due to the liver failure I might still have her. I can't stop wondering too exactly what made her die... I know she must have been bleeding internally somewhere due to the platelets, but I'm obsessed with wondering exactly where...as if it matters.

I feel like living where I do puts my dogs at such a disadvantage, my vet is a wonderful man, but sometimes, no quite often, I feel like the culture here, the way so few people choose to treat difficult diseases, makes them know and experience less. I wish Snickers had lived so they'd have a positive result from treating one of these diseases rather than one experience that will cause them to tell others not to try. They jump so quickly at my vet to suggesting euthanizing... when Oliver had his complications from the TPO surgery it was suggested he couldn't live with it... well here we are two years later and he's happy and healthy.

Oliver and Khoale have adjusted well. They are back to themselves and playing happily, they have a great relationship and balance that snickers was never really a part of. I miss her sleeping between my feet/calves every night... for the first week Khoale seemed to know and oddly slept there every night but I think she has deemed me "better" because she's back to sleeping on her own. I miss her wise knowing eyes and her "depth" if that makes any sense.
 

Karen....baby steps getting over the pain....that is what we are taking....just baby steps. I don't think either of us will get over it...we will get used to it.

And there are others here feeling the same.

I am so sorry about the pain you are feeling.  And as Dyan said, there are others here that have gotten used to it.  I know my little Sophie is still missed so terribly much and it will be two years in about a month.   I have gone through and sometimes still go through the what ifs.   I pray that it will get easier for you and that you will find some peace.  Remember the special love and bond that you two shared--a love that not everyone gets to experience.    

Karen, I continue to think of you (and Dyan, too) and hope that each day brings a tiny bit more strength.  In the early days after Tonka died, I could only take a few minutes at a time before I'd be overcome with tears and a physical pain in my heart.  After some time, I could take it a few hours at a time, and eventually a couple days, marking each "anniversary" of his death (one week, one month, six months, etc.).  Eventually you don't feel as "raw."  It's true that the pain never goes away -- you just get some scar tissue over it so it can be tolerated in your daily life. 

I hope you find comfort in having Snickers' remains with you.  I, too, couldn't quite comprehend how this box of ashes in my hands was once my 130-pound regal boy, but I'm really glad his remains are with us.  I regret that we didn't make a paw print before he died; I've heard others mention similar things to the one you have for Snickers; I would cherish such a visual and tactile reminder.  How wonderful that you have that.

Again, sending you continued good thoughts.  Take care.

... it's so hard to imagine that this little bag of ashes was once my dog.

OMG, this line has me just sobbing. . .I'm so sorry for your loss. 

Bless your heart, I so feel your pain, I still miss my little April so much, even with the new Puppy we got.  I still cry a lot and also wonder what we could have done better with April.  I hope Snickers and April are happy at the bridge together, I know they will be waiting for us when we get there.  Also, I sometimes feel her on my bed during the night.

 Oh, Karen, I'm so sorry.  I don't have any idea how hard this must be for you, having never gone through something similar, and for that I'm grateful.  At the same time though, I wish I did because than maybe I would know what to say that would help you through this.  I'm so sorry this had to happen to you.

It was the weekend that Snickers was rallying that I left this thread.  I couldn't bear to follow it anymore.  I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back here to give you the cyber hugs and support you need.  I hope this month has brought you some peace and resolution.  It's been three years since I have lost my 20 year old heart dog, Johnny.  Many times I have trouble getting on this site because someone on here has a dog who looks so much like him, it still hurts.  Some days will be good for you, and some will be very, very hard, but I can tell you that time does soften the blow.  One thing that helped me greatly was to try really hard to let go of the what ifs, and know that we are all mortal, man and dog.  In exchange for that, I vowed to take on another sad stray with a similar sad story to Johnny, in his honor, always, for as long as I lived.  Currently, that is Matilda, whom we found in the shelter as a stray.   Every time I hug her or look at her, I fill a piece of him in my heart.  It is, really, another gift of animals, because there is no way to replicate this when you lose a human loved one. 

Many, many hugs.

I am so, so sorry.