Timber passed away last night

Run free, Timber.

Timber's Mom -- he made that decision for you.  Feeling like you 'should have known' is SO normal ... but sometimes they just take that decision out of your hands into their paws.  He left when he felt it was easiest on you and on him. 
 
They know us SO well -- often better than we do.  Take your time and ultimately you will see he gave you a loving gift.  He, in his little dog mind, spared you the pain he could.  He left quietly ... and take it simply as a sign of his love for you. 
 
Don't be eager to get rid of anything -- you have several days before you will be able to even breathe normally.  There's never an easy way to lose them and particularly not when they've been showing their age as Timber had.  WE want them to live on ... and they know they can't. 
 
I suspect he hid any pain from you -- since he wasn't eating really well, there could have been many things, but he was likely doing what he felt he needed to.  He may have known he wasn't 'thinking' well and sometimes I think dogs just plain volunteer to go to Rainbow Bridge when they think it's the right time. 
 
I lost my old guy in March ... and just a few minutes ago I was sitting here sniffling away thinking about Foxy.  But you know, I respect him too much to find fault with how he chose to go either!  I had to help him across the Bridge but he knew me well enough to know I'd prefer it that way.  He and I went thru this many times -- he knew well how I felt about death and loss.  And it's something I've grown to accept and understand.  My first dog literally tried to 'wait' to die and she lingered far far longer than she should have just because she knew I'd be devastated without her.  I'd kept a long vigil holding her and she still waited for that one moment when I had to pick up the phone (it was my boss and I knew it) to choose to 'leave'.  She had to wait for ME to 'let her go'. 
 
Take your time -- it WILL take time.  You're normal.  He was special and he was *worth* grieving over!  So take your time and process it as you need to.  We're all here -- you'll see many of us post here for you who have lost "special" friends of our own -- some, like Sandra, many years ago (altho she's lost other special ones since then) some very recently.  But the common ground is we all understand.  We're here to share and help.  *gentle hugs*.  And if you don't even feel you can come on tomorrow, we'll be here when you do.  Many of us have email's listed -- you're welcome to contact me any time at all. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Just reading your post made me want to cry.
 
Big hugs,
Tamara

My heart goes oout to you.

sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry for your loss; do you know about the Rainbow Bridge? Timber is waiting there for you and has many animals to keep him company;  [linkhttp://forum.dog.com/asp/tt.asp?forumid=9]http://forum.dog.com/asp/tt.asp?forumid=9[/link]
 
 Run free timber [sm=angel.gif]

I'm so sorry. [sm=cry.gif]

thank you so much everyone for all your kind thoughts. it has really helped.  I feel like I should have taken him back to the vet last week though. I had stopped giving him the meds for the cognitive dysfunction because they were making him worse and I was waiting until they got out of his system and he felt a little stronger before bringing him back for bloodwork. the vet said if there was no improvement in a few days to bring him in but he did seem better. he was even playing with his toys last night. not with much enthusiasm but just quietly chewing on them.  maybe there was something else wrong with him that could have been fixed. maybe he didn't have to die yet.  the not knowing for sure hurts so much. Timber is the first dog I have ever had for his whole life so I have never had to experience the pain of loss. my heart is broken. I have been crying non stop all day. I still cry over my first German Shepherd that I left with my husband when we got divorced and that was over 20 years ago. I told Timber all about the rainbow bridge and I am trying to picture him there happy and running around but I still can't believe he's gone. my house is too big without him in it and I would give anything for even just one more hour with him. at least I have my cats. they are somewhat of a comfort. I have to go. I am still crying too much to see what I'm doing.

maybe there was something else wrong with him that could have been fixed. maybe he didn't have to die yet.  the not knowing for sure hurts so much

 
Please know that many of us have felt the same way - what if....Try not to beat yourself up, you gave Timber a good life and he knows that.  He is waiting at the Bridge for you, whole again.  It hurts a lot, I know, but you did so much for him and you have to believe that.  Read through the Rainbow Bridge section.  You will see you are not alone - we understand.
 
{{{Hugs}}}

My heart breaks for your loss. Take some comfort in the fact that all our other well loved furbabies are now with him.
 
You are in my prayers-
jane

Timbersmom-I'm so sorry about your loss.  When I lost my "heart" dog about 5 years ago I put things of his in a plastic storage bin (collars, leash, some favorite toys, food bowls, ribbons, etc.) and still have it.  It's in my basement out of sight but a couple of times a year I open it up and I'm glad I've kept the stuff.  Maybe you can do something like this with Timber's things?

Love the poem below, and I agree. I'm sorry for your loss. I lost Cinnamon about 3 years ago, and sometimes even though I have my two dogs...I find tears welling up in my eyes. But you know, asides from my many beliefs...I agree with that poem. I'm a Sylvia Browne fan, and in one of her books it says that when you get to the other side all your loved ones that have passed over are awaiting you but that it takes them FOREVER to get to you because ALLLLL your animals you've had come running up to greet you first, and don't let anyone get through. You have a happy reunion to look forward to. =)

ORIGINAL: dyan

Oh how sorry I am for you!  Its especially hard to get over the shock of loosing your loved one or pet when you are not prepared,,,however,, in the end you have to feel fortunate that Timber did'nt linger on sickly and in pain. If you would have known, you might have been faced with putting him down, and that would be even harder than loosing him.  Feel blessed that you didn't have to make that decision!
Timber felt comfortable enough to just leave, and that is good. He loved you and felt your love back for him all the way until the end. I know you miss him terribly, but hang in there, it will get better as time passes. Run free Timber!!

I'm so sorry to hear about Timber.  I'm very familiar with the devastating emotions you're describing.  I'm not sure which is worse -- to have your baby leave so suddenly without saying goodbye, or to have to make the terrible decision to "force" the goodbye after a long time of watching him decline.  Ours was the latter experience, and I have the same heartbreak you're talking about.  The "what ifs" are horrible, and the constant replaying of certain days or moments in your mind is unstoppable for a while.
 
Don't feel the need to put any of Timber's things away.  It was days before we could do anything with the immediate items, like bowls and toys.  But even 6 months later, I still have his blankets on our bed, and his crate is still here, along with the clothes I had on the night he died.  I refuse to wash the inside of my car windows where there are a couple nose prints, and a few slobber marks are still on the windowsills.  It's bad enough to feel the emptiness in the house -- I don't want to eliminate every sign that he was here.  Not yet.
 
My heart goes out to you.  You're in the midst of the worst of the pain.  Know that others here understand and that each day you will feel a bit better.  Take care.

Dear Timber's Mom,
   I'm new to this site and I was crying when I read your post. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your little angel. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I wish there were magical words to help take the pain away but I know there are none. Try to stay strong and take one day at a time. I hope the priceless memories of all the love and care you gave Timber will give you some confort through difficult times.  Think of the great life you gave him.
Again, I'm very sorry.
    Sincerely,
          Sherry

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, Timbersmom. I too know how it feels to ask "what if?" but it really sounds like you did the best you could. I don't think you have to feel like you need to get rid of Timber's things if you don't want to. I never got rid of Maggie's things, and she crossed the Bridge over 3 years ago. I put them away in a box- leashes, collars, harness, everything I had of hers. I'd rather keep them forever. JMO.