When to say good-bye

Gee I'm sorry Ron.  Such a hard thing to go thru, and most of us have.  I guess the lucky ones wake up one morning to find their old or sick dog had died in their sleep.  However, most of us don't get that opportunity. 
 I went thru it twice, and it was enough that I said I would never get another dog......it hurt so much.  But now I have Bubblegum the Great Dane who has a short life span and I didn't even get her until she was over 3.  So I am already trying to prepare myself  though she is very heathy. 
For me, I decided when they were no longer happy, when they no longer wanted to eat at all, they were trying to give up.  When they get older like that, they have good and bad days,,,sometimes thinking "this is the end" and the next day they bounce back,,,we humans do that too. But if they continually don't want to be bothered anymore,,,,it seems they are trying in their way to end it.   I'm sure others will come her with  thoughts and advise.  I just want to wish you and Lady Bug the best of luck.....I feel bad for you, and it reminds me that one day I might go thru it again.
 

I too am very sorry.
 
I think you will know in your heart when the time is right.  If you know your dog, you'll know when it's time to do what is best for HER.  You have to keep YOUR emotions out of it, and that's really HARD to do, but you love your baby and you'll know, you'll give her the ultimate gift when the time comes, and then you'll come here and we'll help to hold you up.
 
Hugs.

Im so sorry you have to go through this, its very hard.  You will know, she will tell you.  Let her know that you will listen to what she needs.  I think when she wont eat any more is a time to say goodbye, or when the days are filled with no getting up.

Ron, I'm sorry for what you are facing.. definitely a decision none of us want to make. You will know in your heart when the time to let go has come, this may sound silly but many of us believe in talking ot our dogs and sharing with them. Maybe your girl is waiting for you to tell her it's okay if she goes. Tell her that you will always love her and that you know she has to leave. Talk to her about the Rainbow Bridge and that you will be okay knowing she is healthy and playing again.
 
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...
 
You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.
But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.
So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic that will
Once more make me whole.
The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.
That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner till the end.
Please, understand just what this gift
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it, too.
So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To grant me this appeal.
Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.
And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.
I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever-faithful friend,
... a young dog once again.
 
Just know we're here to talk to when you need to, and we'll even shed tears with you.
 
 

I have lost many ... but I've also LOVED many, so I learned a long time ago not to count the 'losses' but rather the immense blessings. 
 
In February I had to help my almost-19 year old MOstlie Sheltie over Rainbow Bridge.  He'd gone thru MANY of those losses with me -- and Rainbow Bridge is a common topic of conversation around here.  He knew when his best bud Muffin died (and he was with Muffin when Muffin crossed the Bridge on his own) that we said Muffin had crossed Rainbow Bridge. 
 
This old dog was very intelligent and very in tune with me.  He knew exactly what 'Rainbow Bridge' was ... he KNEW it was death.  But he also knew I believed we'd see those friends again.  Now I've always assumed dogs also have a spiritual side so I've always spoken to them freely. 
 
Foxy's body just plain gave in to old age after a brief illness  and began to shut down on him.  It was likely just a matter of a day or two, but he had suddenly decided he didn't want to try any more.  I had told him many times "When YOU decide it's time to go to Rainbow Bridge TELL ME, Foxy.  And Mom will help if you want me to."  I came home from work at noon to check on him that day and I was in no doubt he was 'telling' me.  He just melted into my shoulder when I picked him up.  He didn't want to go potty, he didn't want any part of food OR WATER.  I almost heard him audibly scream into my mind "Let me go, ok? Please."
 
So I drove him up to Dr. Bailey's talking non-stop about Rainbow Bridge.  "Now Fox ... you know Dr. B will help you go and I'll be there ... but you gotta promise me -- when you get over that Bridge you likely will have a crowd around you!  Cos you KNOW Muffin'll be there, and so will Ms. Socks and Polly and Mike.  But please Foxy -- would you do me a favor?  Would you go find my old Prissy?  She went over the Bridge way back when you were a pup but you know how much *I* loved her.  Please tell her Mom thinks of her every day."
 
I reminded him of the dogs we'd 'known' online -- dogs we'd talked about and emailed ... friends and strangers.  Also humans that had been friends that he knew were gone. 
 
No, I wasn't crying -- I was preparing him I hoped. 
 
But I tell you -- and my vet will corroborate this.  I had Dr. B give him a bit of valium first just to help him slide into sleep so the shot didn't make him panic.  And he was mostly asleep anyway because he was weak and it was his choice.
 
But Dr. B had barely even introduced the pink stuff into the catheter and a most unusual thing happened.  Foxy, who was sound asleep, began to run in his sleep.  His feet began to just run in a coordinated, not twitchy but actual 'steps' motion.  This old dog hadn't even stood on his own in a week and was totally debilitated.  He just wasn't capable of that kind of movement at that time.
 
But he did.  The vet looked at me with utter SHOCK on his face.  "My goodness, Mrs. Kennedy LOOK at that.  He's just **running** over that Bridge isn't he.  You think he sees Muffin?"
 
I told him I knew Foxy "saw" a LOT of friends.  And yeah, he hit that Bridge RUNNING to a future he knew all about.  I told my vet that morning, that if I hadn't already been a person who believed in the Hereafter (at least MY version of it) and who believed in prayer, I certainly would have been after seeing that.  It was pretty plain to me my dog was 'seeing' what he wanted to see. 
 
Sure, sometimes after they administer the euthanasia drug there can be muscle tremors  and they'll even become incontinent.  But those weren't just tremors.  Those were little mostlie sheltie feets RUNNING towards his future. 
 
Now I am crying.  I miss the Old Guy SO much.  But would I ask him to come back from that?  no way. 
 
So please -- talk to your dog.  Whatever you are comfortable with.  And as trishanne says -- give him permission TO go if he want to.  But if you have to give him that ultimate act of love, don't fear it.  You release them from pain and stress, and you won't time it wrong.  But two things will make it much easier.
 
Spend just a few dollars extra -- have the vet put in a catheter into his leg IN PRIVATE.  (not with you there) -- Often when an animal is debilitated from illness the blood vessels get really small and fragile -- so let the vet concentrate and do that privately and then you can rejoin him and let the vet give the dog some valium first.  Then the dog just goes to sleep as you hold him.  No trauma.  No fear.  Once asleep, then the vet administers the 'pink stuff' -- and it's just over.
 
If you administer the pink stuff alone -- it can startle the dog when they feel the drug take hold to stop the heart.  So I always tell folks to opt for the two shots.. It's easier on everyone -- the dog, the owners and the vet. 
 
Good luck.  I"m so sorry.  Nothing about this is easy -- but it is what love is.  Everyone above has described it so well.  Just don't second guess yourself.  If the dog gives you signals strong enough for you to make the decision, go with that.  Don't then let yourself wonder if it was 'right'.  It will be.  Rest easy on that.

Hi, I am so sorry for what you are going through.
 
I agree with callie, talk to your baby, let her know is okay, it will help both of you.
 
I had been married for 8 wonderful years, and on the day of our 9th anniversary I found out we were pregnant for the first time, we went out to celebrate how blessed we were an on the way home, a drunk driver hit my husband car head on, both the ohter driver and my husband died instantly and I had a miscarriage right there and then. 
 
Romeo, came to my life a year after that, and completely changed my life.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't tell him how much I love him and how it will be okay when his time comes for him to go. 
 
When it was time for his best friend to crossover, we stayed at my friend's house for two weeks until it was time to let Max go, it broke my heart to see these two dogs say good bye to one another,  one day Max did not get up, Romeo walked over slowly over to him, sniffed him all over, rubbed ever so gently against him, stood in front of him, Max licked his face, they looked at each other so intently, Max let out a sigh and it was over.  We were seating on the floor my friend holding her dog,  and me trying so hard not to cry, after Maxed left, Romeo came over to me put his legs on my shoulder and leaned into me, he then licked my face so gently not in the desperate way he always does, and settled in my lap.  I started stroking him and telling him happy Max now was, because he was no longer in pain and he could be his old self once again, that it was ok for him to miss his friend, but that one day they would be reunited and they would be able to play and run like old times.  He then got up went over to my friend, put his paw on her leg and did the same thing, he licked her face and laid on the floor nex to her.  Every time we see her, he always seats in front of her, looks deeply into her eyes and goes over and licks her face in that very special way. 
 
I have been sniffling this whole time, and my faithful friend is right here next to me, his head cocked to one side, so I told him about your situation,  if you  could see him, you would be able to feel his love too, his eyes are bright and full of tenderness. 
 
We both send a big hug to you and your little one.  Don't be afraid or sad we will be here to share tears, find comfort in knowing that when she goes she will be the spunky little dog you have loved so much.  Love her and spoil her everyday and talk to her always.
 
 Living Love

If you ever love an animal, there are three days
in your life you
will always remember . . .

The first is a day, blessed with happiness, when
you bring home
your young new friend. You may have spent weeks
deciding on a
breed. You may have asked numerous opinions of
many vets, or done
long research in finding a breeder. Or, perhaps
in a fleeting
moment, you may have just chosen that silly
looking
mutt in a shelter -- simply because something in
its eyes reached
your heart. But when you bring that chosen pet
home, and watch it
explore, and claim its special place in your hall
or front room --
and when you feel it brush gainst you for the
first time -- it
instills a feeling of pure love you will carry
with you through the
many years to come.

The second day will occur eight or nine or ten
years later. It will
be a day like any other. Routine and
unexceptional. But, for a
surprising instant, you will look at your
longtime friend and see
age where you once saw youth. You will see slow
deliberate steps
where you once saw energy. And you will see sleep
when you once saw
activity. So you will begin to adjust your
friend's diet -- and you
may add a pill or two to her food. And you may
feel a growing fear
deep within yourself, which bodes of a coming
emptiness.
And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and
off, until the third
day finally arrives...... And on this day -- if
your friend and
whatever higher being you believe inhave not
decided for you, then
you will be faced with making a decision of your
own -- on behalf
of your lifelong friend, and with the guidance of
your own
deepest Spirit. But whichever way your friend
eventually leaves you -
- you will feel as alone as a single star in the
dark night. If
you are wise, you will let the tears flow as
freely and as often as
they must. And if you are typical, you will find
that not many in
your circle of family or friends will be able to
understand your
grief, or comfort you. But if you are true to the
love of the pet
you cherished through the many joy-filled years,
you may find that a
soul -- a bit smaller in size than your own --
seems to walk with
you, at times, during the lonely days to come.
And at moments when
you least expect anything out of the ordinary to
happen, you may
feel something brush against your leg --very,
very lightly. And
looking down at the place where your dear,
perhaps dearest, friend
used to lie -- you will remember those three
significant days. The
memory will most likely to be painful, and leave
an ache in your
heart. As time passes the ache will come and go
as if it has a
life of its own. You will both reject it and
embrace it, and it may
confuse you. If you reject it,it will depress
you. If you embrace
it, it will deepen you. Either way, it will still
be an ache.

But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day
when ..............
along with the memory of your pet -- and piercing
through the
heaviness in your heart -- there will come a
realization that
belongs only to you. It will be as unique and
strong as our
relationship with each animal we have loved, and
lost. This
realization takes the form of a Living Love --
like the heavenly
scent of a rose that remains after the petals
have wilted, this
Love will remain and grow -- and be there for us
to remember. It is
a love we have earned. It is the legacy our pets
leave us when they
go. And it is a gift we may keep with us as long
as we live. It is
a Love which is ours alone. And until we
ourselves leave, perhaps
to join our Beloved Pets -- it is a Love we will
always possess.

Ron, I'm so sorry to hear about your difficult and sad situation.  We went through something similar in January when we had to help our precious boy, Tonka, cross the Rainbow Bridge.  He, too, had trouble swallowing and breathing, with frequent coughing and gagging spells.  It was for a different reason than his heart, but neither was he in any apparent pain.  He continued to eat heartily and could carry himself outside for short visits in the yard, even though he didn't want to take walks anymore.  We kept looking for signs of "giving up," but never found any.  We worried about making an appointment for saying goodbye, because he had some very good days, and we knew we couldn't bring him to the appointment if it turned out he was having a perky day.  But, waiting for the "right time" was agonizing, because we risked having to face a choking/gagging issue that was life threatening.  In the end, he did have a choking scare, including lots of vomiting, so we ended up at the emergency clinic.  He seemed to collect himself somewhat, but remained absolutely still while we talked at length with the vet and the tech.  I will always wonder if it was the right time, but we were so afraid to bring him home again when we had just seen such a desperate look in his eyes when he was struggling to breathe before we got to the clinic.  We had been preparing ourselves for over 2 months for the goodbye, but no amount of preparation would've made it easier.  It was the single hardest night of my life (and I'm middle-aged). 
 
How I wish I had received the advice that Callie just gave -- about the two shots.  This was our first experience with a pet's death, so we had no knowledge.  The vet said she wasn't going to use the sedative because Tonka was so very calm and still (he always was, even when healthy, when he was with any vet).  We didn't know any better than to agree with her.  The list of regrets I have about him could fill this website, but one of the biggest is that we didn't opt for the sedative.  I wish he could've felt himself go into a restful sleep first, since he hadn't slept well in 2 weeks.  And, he did make a slight reaction just before he passed - he lifted his head and made kind of a groan/growl.  It was for only a second, but after hearing how others here on I-dog described the sedative period first, my heart literally aches with that regret.
 
I'm crying for you and your family now, as I remember our struggle.  Take care, and thoughts and prayers go out to you and Lady Bug. 

Hello, Everyone,
I want to thank you so much for the kind words and advise. As of today, no real change, except for the fact that everytime Lady Bug relaxes, she'll leave a small spot of urin on the floor. My wife and I are sure that she isn't even aware that she has done it. Funny---can't even get mad at her! She's left her mark long ago in our hearts, so guess she unconsiously doing the floor,too! But that's OK with me, she's earned the right to do nearly anything she wants.
 I want to thank you guys for the advise about the Valium. Sure would have never thought about that on my own, and rest assured, I'll see to it that Lady Bug never feels panic of any kind when the time comes.
 Lady is far from being our first dog, but seems every dog is different in thier own way. She was five years old when we got her, and was badly abused by the older gentleman who had her from a pup. It has taken my wife and I nearly all this time proving to her that not all humans are mean. And to say the least, she, through the years, has rewarded us for our efforts many, many times over--from hugs and a thourough face licking in the morning as soon as I open my eyes, to a "goodnight" cuddling after crawling into bed at night. I've sometimes wished that my Lab, Taffy, had some of the same qualities that Lady Bug has, but as I said earlier, every dog is a little different, and each has their own way of showing their love.

Agian, Thanks so much!
I think I've found a home in this Forum!!

Ron, I feel you love for Lady Bug,,,how lucky she is to have found you and your wife!   Glad you stuck around for an update!

Ron,
  I am sorry you are going through this. I can honestly say I know how you feel. I am going through the same thing with my three year old pitt/lab mix who has cancer. I started a thread about two weeks ago and received a lot of the same advice. There are days when you question if you are keeping her here becuase you can't part or is it time yet. Last week Cole was having two consecuative days where he seemed to be on the down hill. But the next day he was doing well. I always ask myself what is the sign for when it is time. Do I wait for him to stop eating?, do I wait for him to not beable to stand? do I wait for him to moan and groan? or do I wait to see the look is his eyes that he has had enough? It is one of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make but take each day at a time and think about what is best for your baby. I truely understand how hard this is. I am afraid he will be scared or alone or mad at me. I am so scared of loosing him that I can't think about that day with out crying. As I sit here and reply all I can do is cry because I feel the pain you are goin through. The people here don't know us and they have given me more support and encouragement then I could ever find through my family and friends. you are not alone in this very sad and painful time we all understand the amazing connection between us and our furchildren. The love they give us is amazing so cherish every moment and love her more each day. She is lucky to have you and your wife love her so much. Please keep us posted and my heart goes out to your and your furchild.