Run free Mickey

You committed the ultimate act of love.  Yes, you are being too harsh on yourself -- and don't second guess yourself into oblivion.  Don't play the "what if" game (what if he could have gotten better, what if  he wanted to stay ...).  It's destructive to you and it's NOT what Mickey would have wanted.  One of the reasons he was so stoic was because he didn't want to worry YOU.

 Today is probably the worst.  And maybe at least tomorrow.  Acceptance will come as you make yourself realize that he IS simply OUT of pain.  He would want you to love again and not berate yourself. 

One of the things that I concentrate on is making sure that dog would be proud of ME.  What would Foxy the Mostlie Sheltie want me to say to you?  What would Muffin the Intrepid want me to do?  Where would THEIR focus be? 

Good luck and cry on our shoulders --we've all been there.

My thots are with you today, all I can say is I'm sorry - you did the right thing by Mickey and you both got to say goodbye. He will be waiting for you, all pets do.

mickeyboo

But now I miss him so much I just want him back. I kept thinking he's in a better place now, but these horrible feelings I have right now seem to not go away.

I do so understand what you are feeling now... I have felt this same way too.   You are being to harsh on yourself, but saying that is not going to make it go away real soon.   It sounds like Mickey's quality of life was not good anymore so you were hanging onto him as long as you could.  What you have done is allowed Mickey to cross the bridge knowing how much he was loved by you.   He will no longer hurt to get up, he will run and play, he will feel youthful again.

When I lost Shadow I didnt think the hurt would ever go away, I still miss him but with the help of this wonderful support team, I finally started getting through the day without tears.   It will get better, hang on to the good memories, we will all be here to help you through.

Run free Mickey, give my sweet Shadow my love!

callie & miss,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful words. This is my first time putting a beloved pet down and I'm still trying to be strong. But your kind words are much appreciated. I really do need them now to sort out what I really need to feel.

Thank you so much once more.

shadow,

oooh, thank you so much for your sweet kind words. I can't stop tearing everytime I read or talk about it. I hope one day I will reunited with my beloved Mickey and Boo again. It's amazing how an animal can effect our life. I know I will miss him forever, as long as I live.

You may have noticed how many of us refer to some of our dogs as heart dogs.  Many of those dogs are waiting at the bridge for a joyful, wriggly butt reunion but in the meantime they are also in our hearts.

You did the right thing, Mickey was ready to be out of pain and able to run again.

((( hugs )))

I remember when you posted a while back about Mickey.  You did the right thing for your sweet dog.  He couldn't ask for a better dog Mom than you were.  He is in a place where he has no pain and lots of us believe that he has many other dogs to play and have fun with. Please know that those of us who have been in your shoes understand the conflicting feelings.  Hugs.

Jackie,

Thank you for your support and remembering my post about Mickey awhile back. Yes, I was conflicted about letting him go at that time, but I hung on to him for a little while, hoping he'd get better. But he didn't. He developed this restlessness and appeared to be "out of it" most of the time. This is when I knew it's time for me to do what I think is good for him, and I really do hope he saw that too.  The minutes before he was sadated was unforgetable. He was constantly moving, breathing hard, jumpy, and kept putting his head behind my legs for me to rub his head. I think he sensed my feelings.  Then they took him away to sedate him, brought him back, he was twitching badly, and I wanted to stay with him through the end, but after few minutes I went into emotional breakdown and couldn't stay any longer. I'm still upset at the vet bc I thought the procedure of sedation will be infront of me. She didn't explain that he'll be sedated AFTER they'll bring him back. But I was balling and couldn't even speak a word. That was one of the worst moments of my life.

 It's been a day now since he had past away, but I still see him at places where he used to be. It's still so real that I feel his soul is back with me. I know I'm a little illusional right now. I just miss him so much

However, you and many members on this forum have made me feel a little better as I'm reading and feeling your support. And I deeply appreciate you and many others taking the time to lend  each other a crying shoulder.

(((hugs))

Van,

Thank you.

 I'm so sorry to hear about Mickey. Of course you miss him and want him back. That's how we feel when we lose someone we love so deeply. They are not horrible feeling at all. They are feelings from your heart and there is no need to for them to go away.

Run free Mickey. Fly on your Angel Wings. 

Honey you are so not to blame. You promised Mickey when he first came to you that you would always love him and care for him.  And you did this everyday of his life. He was never unfed, cold or tied in a yard and ignored. He never ever doubted your love not even on the last day. 

Thoes last days are brutal on the hearts that have to part.  In our home we have learned to create a ritual if you will to help us deal with the passing. We buy a special candle and when the pain is too much it is lit allowing the ones in pain to center their thoughts and concentrate on the best memories we hold of the departed fur child. We single out a star in the night sky and it becomes our special dog star, so each evening we can go out and look for it. A photo album is put together , the time needed is a labor of love .  My family understood the depth of my pain when Jasmine crossed. Their own pain at her loss shocked them deeply. They loved her but had always joked heaven help them if I had to choose between Jazz and them in an emergency , 'cause they knew it would be Jasmine I would go to first... they were not that far off ! Wanting Mickey back is 100% normal, and the grief you feel so strongly is evidence of your connection and love. There will come a moment when you will worry that not crying or hurting means your love was not real, It WAS...the moments of ease you will eventually feel are simply Mickey looking out for you. He never wanted to you cry or be sad.  Being an In The Moment kind of guy all he ever wanted was your happiness and maybe a cookie...

Please accept it will take time to deal with all of the levels of grief and all of them are valid parts of your love for the boy. I am sure Mickey would be horrified if he thought he had ruined being a dog person for you.  He was , I am sure proud of his Mom. He will be there when you cross and until then will watch over you ...

Be well my friend and give yourself a break.

Bonita of Bwana

It's the hardest thing we have to do as a dog lover, but it's also the kindest and most selfless thing too. I have a 13 y.o. dog who is showing signs that you describe and every day I look at her and wonder what life will be like when she's no longer with us. I try to enjoy every second I can with her but know that one day, I'll have to face what you've faced. Please don't have any regrets. Trust your heart that you did what was best for Mickey. It really will get better and although you'll always him, you'll soon be able to smile at the wonderful memories.

My heart breaks for you!  Your love for your dear little Mickey shined when you let  him go.  You saw his broken body that was filled with pain and let him go to a much better place, even though you had to pay such a very precious price.  That was all done out of true love.  It takes time for the pain to leave, but the love and memories will never leave--They will be there forever.  Cry to help wash the pain away, but let the love shine for all of the world to see.  It is good that you are reaching out to others to let them lend you a shoulder to lean on.  And do NOT be too harsh on yourself!  Mickey knew that he was truly loved, and that is the most precious gift you can give!  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Run Free Little Mickey! 

You and your beloved pet are in my thoughts. I have had to let two dogs go and been devastated for days/weeks after. And I have an old dog I have had for 15 years that is winding down. I can relate to watching your companion struggle to stand and struggle to walk.

Mickey needed our help in going to the Bridge and you gave that help. Your grief  right now shows how deep your love was. I am sorry for your loss.

Agnes