I haven't been on here in years probably, but it was the first place I thought of when I had to share our news. I knew everyone here would understand.
We got Cooper when he was 8 weeks old, right after we bought our first home. He was my first baby. I trained him and he enjoyed learning more than most of the dogs in his classes. He was so smart and just a wonderful dog all around. When he was 3 he ruptured his CCL and so we had extensive surgery to repair. When he was 6 he started having seizures one week before my daughter was born. Went through all the bloodwork and MRI to find nothing, no big deal...meds forever. When he was 7 he had torn his other CCL and had yet another surgery. On Christmas Eve he started vomiting. Not excessively at all, but in that random way that had me worried. He did again on Christmas morning and was super lethargic for most of the day. He refused to eat and almost refused his meds (they are wrapped in cheese). He seemed to perk up when all of the family arrived and was mobile and his usual self all night. Thursday he was back to super lethargic and refusing to eat but still taking his meds. Drinking lots and just causing me tons of anxiety. I'm 17 weeks pregnant with #3, so maybe I'm a little more emotional and anxious. He vomited again on Thursday night, just once. On Friday he was even worse and refused to eat but still took his meds. I let him out after we had dinner on and he went out and laid down in the grass. Its cold here, that's not normal. He got up and came back to the door a short while later and just didn't look right at all. He vomited twice more and then went out for the last time for the night. Didn't even bother to go to the bathroom, I'm not even sure now when the last time he actually eliminated was. He just walked off the deck and laid down in the grass. He wasn't going to get up, I had to go out and fight with him to lift him up and get him moving. He came in and just laid down on the kitchen floor. He never misses the chance to stay in our bedroom in hopes of being invited to stay in our bed. He just couldn't even exert that much energy to get to the other side of the house. He wanted nothing more than to drink all the water in his bowl, which he vomited again sometime overnight. If I wasn't pregnant I would have slept on the kitchen floor with him. I knew that we had to get him in to see the vet on Saturday, he just looked so miserable. I was prepared for a virus or some kind of horrible issue, but I never imagined that they would tell me that he had fluid around his heart and tumors in his heart that were causing him all this trouble. We had to let him go, I couldn't take him to a cardiologist and put him through aspiration and possible chemo to put off the inevitable. The tumors were inoperable due to their location, it just wouldn't be fair to keep him because we wanted to keep him. He went to sleep with his head in my lap. It ws the hardest thing I've ever had to do to leave him in that room and come home without him. Its so hard to not hear him clicking through the house on his nails that I always let go for 3 weeks at a time. Or waking up in the middle of the night to silence instead of hearing him licking himself until I told him to stop. No cold wet nose in my face in the morning asking to go out. No chin on my bed or couch asking for permission to come up. As much as he used to get under my feet, I'd give anything to trip over him right now. My 6 year old is very upset but my 3 year old just doesn't understand. That's my 6 year old in the picture with Cooper way back when. It just sucks. I know that he's no longer having seizures and his knees are no longer stiff and he feels so much better without his heart being compromised by the tumors, but there isn't a whole lot of comfort in that for me. I can't stand the "better place" that doesn't make me feel better. His better place is here with us, getting the attention that he loved from all of us and getting the snacks that he earned. He was such a good boy, I can't even believe that this baby will never even know him. I will love and miss him forever and can't wait to see him again one day. I know for now he is busy with his uncle who passed a little over a year ago. Run free, sweet boy, your mama loves you!!!!