Alley went to the Bridge this morning.. May she finally get peace

I'm so sorry Kim, RIP alley

Kim ... look at it this way ... the Alpha of all Alphas is just telling you that all the Heavens are sad and gloomy with you today. So all of Nature in your area is grieving as well. Frankly -- isn't it more fitting than a gorgeous day that assumes no one is sad???

If the day were 'perfect' you'd feel guilty for 'forgetting' about her (man, do I know guilt or what???)

Nope -- just thank the sky that it 'understands' -- Alley was WORTH the whole sky crying about her!

 
Thank you how beautifully put....
 
I have some friends from out of town coming to see me... They haven't been to our home and are passing thru. Im not in the mood but I think my dogs and I need someone uplifting and positive to come by..... Jill and her family adopted 2 Westie from me when I did Rescue and we have been friends for 5 years and she have never been to my home.
I think it will be a nice distraction thou IM terribly sad[&o]
 
Max found Alleys ball lastnight and started playing with it like crazy.... inside I didn't like it I felt he was having fun now that she was gone. I was SHOCKED when I heard a squeek squeek when I was on computer I looked at Mike and said.."who is doing that" I kid you not I felt it was disrepectfull LOL.. That was hers... And HERS only... She let nobody touch her ball or any ball... So when he was done I put it up next to her picture... I will find him something else for Max...but unfortunatly he loves those balls but could never play with them cause she wouldn't let any of them near a squeeky ball...They were all hers... We swore she was a ball player in another life...
My 3 Westies seem to be really feeling it. Mostly Mattie and Louie.. Mattie was eating grass and have the runny poops yesterday..Louie got up on a chair that she use to lay on and he's never been up there.. Max doesn't seem to get it yet or we just aren't really seeing it... But Alley ran the Westie pack.... Max was more of a loner and the last to join this group.. the others were together alot longer...
 
Im so thankful to have so many people supporting me.. I just wish it would easy the void.. pain .. and loneless that I feel inside....
 

Um ... don't 'defeat' him by removing that ball.  HE is grieving in his own way!

That is often the dog way ... he **knows** it was hers Kim.  Her scent is all ***over*** it.  He's being close to her in his own little doggie way.  It's hers, and now *I* want it partly because my alpha bitch is gone and I want HER stuff for mine. 

Many years ago we had an old 'alpha' ... Mike tha Dog.   He was ... to be blunt.  "Ordinary".  But therein lie his own unique special thing ... he was so 'ordinary' he understood everbuddy.  But he was "alpha".  Make no mistake.  He told everbuddy when, where, and what to do.  (He used to come and 'get' David Sunday and Thursday nites -- it was time to take the trash to the curb and you, mere human that you are, are forgetting it.)  he would go sit in the kitchen and LOOK at the big black trash bags!!  GETTA CLUE will ya??  David said after he went and did the trash 'alone' for the first time since we'd been married "I will NEVER take another dog with me to do that -- that was Mike's job.  He's gone.  And I'm too darned lonely to do it alone, but I have to."

Mike always used to lie in front of the 'front door' in the living room.  We jokingly used to refer to it as his "power corner"  ... HIS spot, make no mistake. 

After he died ... everyone was feeling mopey, and Muffin the Intrepid got up ... walked over and literally 'skirted' that place Mike used to lie.  Then he turned around .. and ever SO deliberately .. lie down.                     

The "power corner" ... and it became his.  But it was ... Mike's.  And  Muffin took it as his own simply to honor Mike tha Dog.   It wasn't stealing ... Mike didn't *need* it any more.  But it was Muffin's way of dealing.  It IS the dog way.  (edited for clarity)
 
Some things get passed on .. some .. don't.  But typically they are picky enough that when one dog zooms for something that was anothers -- it always seems to be a sort of tribute ... dog style.

Um ... don't 'defeat' him by removing that ball. HE is grieving in his own way!

 
That's what my Dear friend told me today.... I just didn't feel Max knew lastnight.. he is more the loner of the group but adored Alley to pieces..... but today he is[&o] He has been laying under the dining room table in the same exact spot as Alley.... My dogs are all so quiet and sad.....
 
I just went outside and saw a Rainbow I choose to believe this was a quick sign because it came and went so quickly.. it was only a brief bit of sunshine.... Another storm is getting ready to roll in and I remember how much Alley hated thunder Storms....
 
 

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I don't know Alley's history -- sounds like you had a long struggle with some rough issues like allergies.  Our friends lost a young dog after a baffling set of symptoms were finally diagnosed as a rare condition that was only slightly manageable and made her life very uncomfortable.  They had to make the heartbreaking decision like you did, trying to determine when the “line” had been reached and there was nothing else they could do to help her live without pain and upset.  We all mourned her loss deeply, even though we'd only had her in our lives for 3 years, and most of that time in poor health.
 
Having to make that decision is agonizing, and the doubts that surround it can be unbearable.  We had to face that with our dog, and we went back and forth about whether it was the "right time."  We kept looking for signs that he was ready, but he never gave us any clear ones -- he kept eating heartily and making his way to the door for very brief potty breaks.  I searched his eyes for an answer, and to this day (over 18 months later), I still have doubts.
 
The sadness in your heart reflects the love you felt for Alley and the connection you had with her.  The roller-coaster of emotions is entirely understandable.  I was inconsolable for 3 days -- all I did was sob and sleep.  If I didn't have a deadline at my office on day 4, I'm not sure when I would've bathed or eaten or dressed.  It was then that I realized where the phrase comes from to say a face is "etched with grief."  I barely recognized myself when I finally got to a mirror.
 
Callie and others have said things that ring deeply true for me -- the sudden “availability” of time when you no longer have to cook food, give meds, etc.  The nights without multiple awakenings to check on them.  No more avoiding social invites.  Those realizations bring guilt in a big way.  And Callie#%92s right about filling that time in a way that honors Alley.  I#%92d been newly involved in our local humane society when our dog first got sick.  After his death, I became way more involved, and I know my heart takes on the cause of the shelter animals because my love for Tonka opened my eyes and ears to their needs.  I also try to offer to other grieving people comfort because I know their pain.  My love for him made me more compassionate and sensitive.
 
My deepest condolences to you and your family - it sounds like you gave your all to making Alley's life the best it could possibly be.  If her life was to be a struggle, then she was blessed to have made her way to a home with you where she was obviously loved and cared for 110%.
 
Run free Alley, with no pain, no meds, no restrictions.  My boy is a big Bullmastiff - he looks imposing, but he loves everyone, especially small females, so he'll look out for you.  He#%92ll gladly make room for you in his harem!  Watch over your Mom and family as they grieve for you.

also try to offer to other grieving people comfort because I know their pain. My love for him made me more compassionate and sensitive.

 
Oh Tracy I sit her weaping uncontrollably... I had my husband read these post as well... we are both beyond being consoled right now...
 
He called the Derm clinic for me to cancel Alley's apt...  as she was to been seen on Friday.They ask if he would like to reschedule and I asked him what did you say... He was crying so hard he couldn't speak and went outside to work in the yard....We were very close to all of them at the clinic as they became family and were so good to Alley. We weren't just another number we were all friends....
 
I hurt so bad this morning missing Alley... I worked in the yard for 2 hours pulling weeds.... Max who normally LOVES to go in the barn and sleep wants no part of it.. He is here in the house with all of us... He is really feeling it...He misses his Scottie sister...They are all so very quiet. Friends have been sending flowers and Iv asked Mike to get the door cause Im pretty much a red puffy eyed mess and can barely see out of what is left of my eyes is slits in which I can barely see .... But today he wasn't home to get the door and Im sure the lady wondered what happened to my face[&o] I was hoping today I would be better....don't ask me why I just did.... I did Rescue work for 5 years and before that I volunteered at the largest shelter here in our area.... I can't do any of this anymore so I will have to find other things to fill my time. Wow what a challenge that will be cause our life revolved around my girl.... In fact we even rescheduled our vacation this summer around her Melanoma treatment. When we travel it was always 3 days total cause Alley needed her bath and I did it best.. My Dear friend sees Alley... She tells me she is light and free and happy.... and she is running so fast her ears are pinned back.... She told me to sit quietly and not try so hard to see her but let her show you..... Iv tried and I can't... I think Im hurting so badly right now for myself and for my dogs and my husband.....Im blessed to have a friend that has been a part of my life for over 20 years and knows my dogs and us and has such a gift of seeing things and having such wisdom and knowledge to comfort me.... When I feel so badly I come back and read these post.... Tracy thank you for taking the time as well as the others on this post who have taken time to write such heartfelt meaningful and touching notes to me.... I hope that someday I can be as much of a comfort as you have been to me. To everyone here.. Paw hugs to you all....Kim  

Oh, Kim, I am SO sorry. Emma is on my lap, licking my tears, and blocking the screen from me. She says NOBODY should be sad when somebody is finally FREE.

I didn't get to write it earlier, because she wouldn't let me, but... Emma understands this stuff MUCH better than I do. When her buddy, Spar, went to the Bridge, I was very worried about how she'd take it. She'd not experienced that, since I'd had her. She took it better than anybody. She was *happy* for him, when I told her. She knew just how sick he was, and that he was relieved.

I don't know how she knows what she knows, but she does.

ORIGINAL: terrierlover

... I just didn't feel Max knew lastnight.. he is more the loner of the group but adored Alley to pieces..... but today he is[&o] He has been laying under the dining room table in the same exact spot as Alley....

 
YEP!!  They grieve so differently -- not just from us, but from each other.  He wants her stuff WITH him.  That's gonna be his way -- to take as much of Alley TO him as possible.  She's a part of him now.

I just went outside and saw a Rainbow I choose to believe this was a quick sign because it came and went so quickly.. it was only a brief bit of sunshine.... Another storm is getting ready to roll in and I remember how much Alley hated thunder Storms....

 
Yep -- another really appropriate thing -- a rainbow ... a sign of 'promise' that is particularly helpful given how much she hated the storm part.
 
Kim, you will have many days of challenge ahead of you ... but keep your eyes open for those things Alley would *want* you to do.  I had a tough tough time getting my heart started about pet therapy after we lost Muffin the Intrepid.  *I* had  a hard time.  Then we lost Polly and Socks ... all 3 within 6 months.  Frankly I thot I'd lose my mind.
 
but out of that has come different things.  We don't do exactly what we did before.  But we DO *do* pet therapy.  There will definitely be change in your future.  But don't avoid all things -- Alley would be devastated.  (think of her most adamant "MOM ... you are ***wrong***" bark)
 
Don't expect much out of yourself right now.  It's what grief is.  It's a pit and it's tough to climb out of ... but you will.  But right now -- all you can feel is pain and that's completely understandable. 
 
It's also RIGHT, Kim.  Like I said above -- Alley was worth grieving for.  If you were able to just turn around and walk off then it wouldn't have been much of a relationship would it??  You gave her your life for years, frankly.  It's like losing an arm or a leg -- it's not just the loss of the limb (which is traumatic enough) -- it's also the stark realization that altho you are 'right-handed' you never realized before you brush your teeth with your LEFT hand??
 
How do you learn to 'do' those things again -- in your case, the things you 'did' for and with her.  And the time you spent doing them.  You'll rattle around ... but truly -- use your grieving to think your way thru "what to do".  What else can I do.  How can I be productive?
 
Once you begin to climb out of your grief THEN think of the stuff you can do.  But be patient girl -- you've got to heal.  Your whole family does.  Thank heaven you're with a man who loved her like your husband did.  That he's grieving TOO.  That's an awesome man who will admit it.
 

I'm so sorry...
Run free Alley...

ORIGINAL: terrierlover
I'm pretty much a red puffy eyed mess and can barely see out of what is left of my eyes is slits in which I can barely see .... But today he wasn't home to get the door and Im sure the lady wondered what happened to my face

  Two days after Tonka died, I answered the door to a neighbor we'd only recently met due to our dogs greeting each other on walks.  She knew Tonka was ill, but she wasn't a close enough friend that we'd called in those first couple days.  When I opened the door, her pug stepped in as she said, "we wanted to say hello to Tonka," at which point I started sobbing.  This poor woman hardly knew me, and she ended up coming in for an hour to lend comfort and let me hold her dog.  I was a complete mess - no one else saw me like that except my husband.  I composed myself in preparation for anyone else after that.  Her daughters drew us a card with a picture of God throwing a stick for Tonka, and Tonka had angel wings.  I barely held it together when they brought it a couple weeks later, and writing this now is making me cry.  I cherish that card.

we even rescheduled our vacation this summer around her Melanoma treatment. When we travel it was always 3 days total cause Alley needed her bath and I did it best.

We stopped taking trips together - both our families live out of state, and we visited them separately so we didn't have to leave Tonka at a kennel or with anyone who might not be able to devote the amount of time/effort involved in his feeding, walking, etc.
 
All these things are big changes in a lifestyle when our beloved dogs are gone ---- even the tiniest of habits and decisions are affected.  All we can do is keep breathing and facing each hour, each day, and wait for the pain to soften, which it does (even if it is close to the surface, ready to surprise you).  Sending you strong vibes -- take care.

Kim-I'm still thinking of you and Mike and the dogs.  I'm sorry I can't lend the kind of experience others can.  I wish I could be there for you more. 
Lori[]

Kim-I'm still thinking of you and Mike and the dogs. I'm sorry I can't lend the kind of experience others can. I wish I could be there for you more.
Lori

 
Oh be thankful you don't have an experience to share....
 
Tracy thank you so much for sharing you and Callie have been a life line for me...
 

 I got a gorgeous floral arrangement delievery and I just lost it crying... Its from the Derm clinic from the Dr. and the girls..... The Floral delieverly lady gave me a big hug when I told her I just lost my Scottie girl... She is a huge dog lover.....She has been here twice this week and I told her Im sorry If I seem rude then I told her what happened... Today I looked better but the other day I couldn't look up my face was something out of a horror movie.... Im surrounded by floral arrangements from friends....Each one that comes I let the dogs smell and share that these are for the loss of Alley....

I am so sorry for your loss. 
 
Run free Alley and enjoy the Bridge.