As a lot of you know by now, Rick and I made the hard decision to let Buddy go yesterday afternoon. I am tender and my face hurts as I try to write this.
For those that do not know...Sunday evening, when we brought the dogs in the house with us...we noticed Buddy's rear end tremoring. Seconds later, his front legs and up into his chest area started tremoring. I had him lay down to get off those legs for a while. A little while later, I had him get up so we could go outside for a business trip. He was able to get up, but with difficulty. But, he couldn't move. Literally. Could not take steps. This scared us, terribly.
We were able to communicate with Buddy's acupuncturist, Dr. Knapp (awesome doctor) via email throughout the evening. She felt like the issue was directly related to his low spine issue and could even be a blood clot causing the inability to move. She suggested we take him to the emergency vet...but I just couldn't do it. We opted to wait until morning to see how he did.
Yesterday was filled with bouncing emotions. Do I help him cross over? Do I wait and see if he improves? Was it the Frontline that I had put on everybuddy that morning? I decided to wait and see how he did through the day and take him in to our regular vet at 3:30. This would give me time to think. And, give him time to improve (?). Throughout the day, he ate, drank and was able to walk, albeit very unstable. He needed my help to steady himself.
I was given lots of input and good advice from my friends here and on facebook. And, I thank you all.
Thank goodness Rick was with me...there was no way Buddy was going to be able to get into the SUV by himself. And, I certainly can't pick up a 103 pound BBD. We walked into the vets office and the first thing I said was I'm not here to PTS. I started asking questions about the Frontline and the possibility of him having a bad reaction; and could this be the problem. The vet said if it had anything to do with the Frontline, he would be showing other symptoms similar to allergic reactions...which Buddy was not displaying.
My vet and I have been working with Buddy's mobility issues for a couple of years now and I trust him. He and Dr. Knapp both felt like he likely has a tumor in his low spine (which I chose not to validate by MRI or CT scan). The decision I made long ago was to keep Buddy happy and comfortable as we dealt with his mobility issues.
So, as we sit in the vets office and discuss next steps...steroids and pain killers; Buddy is laying on the floor tremoring. He and the tech both said he is in pain....and has been in pain. The vet candidly told us that we could do the steroids, but it will be prolonging the inevitable. The vet knew I wasn't ready to let him go. Rick knew I wasn't ready to let him go. They all were so patient with me. Then, my head overruled my heart and I started questioning whether or not I really wanted to give him steroids to prolong MY need to keep him here.
Rick and I talked it over for literally an hour, then we made the decision to let him go.
Run free Beauitful boy. I wish you ample hunting over the bridge. You go teach others and I'll see you soon.
