It's been a year...

You miss Toby because he was more than simply a dog. Many people own dogs.  Toby touched your Soul and your Soul was safe in his care. He was willing to go on your adventure with you because you wanted him to.  A regular canine. a Dog picked up with out the connection shared by you and Toby can be a sweet pet. But they will Never Ever be a Soul Puppy. They are simply a responsibility and companion. Someone to share time with , not the furchild you invest your heart and soul in.

Had he been a lessor dog you would have been easy about not getting another dog.  You would not use him as your measuring stick and finding others falling short. All of which is not just okay it is a tribute to what an amazing boy he was in your adventure called Life.  As you continue your journey you will find other dogs and maybe a cat or two that somehow comes close.  Rather than rating them as falling short, take the time to let them begin to define their part of their adventure with you. That is the Greatest Honor we give the ones we love and lost.  The knowledge that being alone was not and will not ever be as sweet as even a bad day with Toby.

I belive with my entire heart they keep an eye on us, they try to inspire our next dogs into filling some of the void. They don't try to clone themselves since Dogs are far too smart. They know there are one and onlies and these Souls should never be overlooked. At the same time they see with great clarity how the furchild in your life right now, or the one waiting around the corner from you will alter your perception of the world.  How the annoying demand for breakfast at a different time then Toby wanted it will go from being a Pain in the Butt to a respectful need they Trust you to meet.

365 days doesn't seem like that much when you break it down in to 52 weeks or just 1 year...... but the heart knows that first few months felt like eternity wrapped up in steel wool and bungie corded to your heart.  You go from not being able to think about him with out tears, to talking about him, reviewing his photos with you and finally being able to write or say his name with a bittersweet joy that celebrates how lucky you have been to have shared time with this amazing furchild.

I did not think I could breathe the first months that Jasmine was gone. I did obviously but each breathe was a painful reminder that my significant joy, my deepest love was not walking at my side or taking up more of the bead than had been discussed as her portion. I bargained with God and the Universe. I went trhought the 5 stages of grief even though it took nearly 3 years to do so. Now when I see the photos, I remember when and where they were taken and I know without a doubt my blessing was such that I had been blessed beyond a simple pet.  A Companion who would know me inside and out.  But a Best Friend who needed no words to communicate with me.  How could I do anything but cherish this adventure?, This Blessing of a Lifetime.

Now I find her grand daughter trying to fill in some holes.  She is annoying, a mess, demanding and pushy and her heart is broken should I leave her in a crate.  She get's into trouble. She challenges my routines, and she thinks seeing me come into the room, any room is a cause for celebration. How did I get so lucky??  MY eyes and ears are open for a liver girl to take the adventure up yet another notch..but somehow I think when the next litter is born there maybe the start of yet another life altering adventure.  Either way it is all owed to the dog who captured my imaginantion and Soul , by the dogs who cared so gently for the damaged heart when I lost my Mina and by that as of yet unknown pup who will once more make life a challenge to be respected and loved.

What Bonita has said SO well is so very true.  And altho Bonita and I are both older --we have both experienced the loss of a heartdog. 

I'm going to add to that just a bit.

My first dog that was "mine" alone was Prissy -- she was with me for 20 years (no joke).  In so many ways she trained ME.  She taught me to love, she taught me to be more consistent, she taught ME to be kind, she taught me how to deal with "sick" animals -- she also taught me to love pet therapy (she was a completely natural incredibly astute therapy dog).  In a lot of ways as I look back on it she helped form MY personality.

And *I* am different now as a result.  I will never have another dog exactly like Prissy -- but she was what I needed *then*.

When Billy came to us I was emotionally in a bad place.  We'd lost three dogs in 6 months -- Muffin to renal failure, Socks to cancer (after years with it), and Pollyanna - whom we rescued after horrific abuse - didn't survive her injuries.

It was a BLACK time in my life -- far blacker than even my husband knew.  THREE therapy dogs and my 17 1/2 year old corgi/sheltie mix tried hard to take up ALL the slack.  He andI both were in desperate straits.

It was Foxy who found Billy -- I did *NOT* want to love again.  but Billy taught me -- and in him I have found a different type of heartdog.  Very close -- and a very very different type of relationship than I had with Prissy.   But he has been a dog for a very different time in my life.

WE change as we get older.  That's a good thing ...  the fullness I experience from life is greater now than then. 

Cherish your memories of Toby - he helped raise you.  Literally.  You have much to be grateful for - in many ways he helped train you for all the dogs yet to come.  That is precious beyond belief. 

I can just imagine Prissy finding Toby  one day up in that Meadow by the River of Life. I've always thot that they find a special spot in the River of Life where they can 'see' us.  As Toby tips his head and watches you today and maybe he's a little concerned because you're a bit sad ... then Prissy says "No ... that's a good thing -- it's been a lot of human years since I've been with MY Sissy but I'm PROUD of her.  She really learned many of the things I started to teach her and yet she NEVER forgets me!! Toby, you must have done so many things right for her to be SO good with Simba!!"

Toby was a wonderful friend.  Thank you SO much for sharing him with us.

 What a sweet face!

((hugs))