JackieG
Posted : 12/30/2012 7:22:37 PM
There is so much comfort knowing that my friends and family understand how we're feeling today. Nothing but time will make this hurt lessen but having the support of people who know what it is to lose a beloved pet makes it a little more bearable.
Twister, as many of you know, had bladder cancer. He'd been receiving oral and chemo treatment since August. I never expected a miracle, though, I hoped for one. We knew when the tumor blocked his bladder, to the point he couldn't urinate, that it would be time to let him go. That's what happened yesterday. He had a very bad reaction to the last chemo treatment and his WBC was so low it didn't even register. His platelets were also very low and he was having bleeding but not too severe. Despite all this I was determined to take him home yesterday. The oncologist didn't think I should but I couldn't leave him another day.
Yesterday it became obvious that he wasn't able to urinate. He was so sick and so weak yesterday. He wouldn't eat and could hardle walk without assistance. I had hoped that he could recover from the chemo (he got several meds to try and help reverse the effects) and have a little more time feeling good. That wasn't to be, and as hard as it was to accept that it was time, I knew that I couldn't watch him suffer any longer.
I am so glad we had that last day together. He didn't feel good but he never took his eyes off me and I was never far from his side yesterday. When he crossed the bridge, I was whispering in his ear and telling him what a good boy he was and how much he was loved. The vet was a super sweet woman we'd never met and she had tears in her eyes as did the vet tech. It really takes a special type of person to be able to empathize with a stranger's grief and to help their pet cross to the bridge. DH and I both agreed that we couldn't have asked for more and we're grateful we had such a wonderful woman to get us through to helping Twister out of his suffering. He passed peacefully and knowing he was loved.
I go back and forth from feeling almost numb to complete meltdown crying as I look around and know I'll never see his sweet little face again. He was truly my heart dog. Rex, Belle and Gabby have been a lot of comfort today as they come for petting and kisses. I bury my face in their necks and let the tears fall.
Dog people are awesome. That must be why most of my friends, in real life, and on the web, are dog people who know what it is to feel what I'm feeling. Hugs back to all of you and give all those sweet pups a kiss from me.