Dog Community

Rainbow bridge

Posted : 8/2/2006 7:26:44 AM

Hi all, I am new to this forum and happened upon the rainbow bridge section. As I sit here with the tears drying on my face I thought it appropriate to remember my beloved german shepherd Duchess. She crossed the rainbow bridge on April 30th of this year. Her hip dysplasia became so severe she just cried all the time. I held on to her longer than I should have out of selfishness on my part because I just could not bring myself to have her PTS. We had her cremated and the vets office made us a paw print in plaster.

Before we realized how bad Duchess was we had made a deal with one of our friends to purchase one of her minpin puppies. While it helps to have a dog in the house, it just is not the same. Daisy (the minpin) is my 10 year old daughters dog. I do have to help alot with the housebreaking but for the most part Daisy has bonded to our daughter. We had decided to get another shepherd and get the housebreaking over with all at once with 2 new dogs. I have made 3 deals to purchase a pup and backed out of them all. I even lost a $200.00 deposit on one. I don't know if it's fear, guilt or what. I finally decided to stop looking, I hope one day to wake up and finally be over all this hurt. I actually feel a physical ache in my body to just pet Duchess one more time. I sometimes think I hear her tags jingling and for a split second forget she is gone and then the whole grieving process starts all over.

After reading the posts in the Rainbow bridge section I realize I am not alone. My friends just don't understand. Even my family has moved on. I am the only one stuck in this rut. It really helped to read all your posts. I especally liked the poems although they made me cry. I will share one I found in a magazine.

Forever in our Hearts

They will not go quietly, the special dogs who've shared our lives

In subtle ways they let us know their spirit still survives

Old habits still make us think we hear a barking at the door

Or step back when we drop a tasty morsel on the floor

Our feet still go around the place the food dish used to be

And sometimes coming home at night we miss them terribly

And although time may bring new friends and a new food dish to fill

That one place in our hearts belongs to them...

And always will
author unknown

Thank you for listening to me ramble on about my grief and I hope you like the poem. I also want to thank you for showing me I am not alone. I was beginning to think I was crazy and I think my friends and family were too!! I will try to get a formal introduction message up on one of the regular boards with pictures of Daisy and maybe one for Duchess too, I just have to figure out how to shrink my pictures, I keep getting the message that my file is too large.

Kathy

Rozie Evans

Posted : 8/2/2006 7:50:33 AM

Kathy welcome to the board, i am so sorry to hear of your loss of Duchess, i know you think things wont get better but believe me in time they will. That is a lovely poem you posted, i normally stear clear of this part of the forum it makes me cry to much, and i am still grieving myself. I hope things get better for you, i know its differcult to try and get on with things, and i think you pulling out of 3 deals to get a puppy is a good thing, only when you are ready will you know when the time is right to add a new addition to your family. You shouldn't feel guilty, i am certain Duchess knew how much you loved and cared for her and she watches each and every step you take from Rainbow Bridge, she is playing happily with all our pets we have lost along the way and waiting for that special day when you can be together again. God Bless.

Rozie xx

Kathy Xanders

Posted : 8/2/2006 8:35:56 AM

Thank you so much rozie. I do feel better just knowing I am not alone. I am going to try to post pictures of Duchess from photo bucket. Not sure if it will work.
Kathy

sharismom

Posted : 8/2/2006 8:53:09 AM

Kathy, I am so sorry for your loss. Run free, Duchess[sm=angel.gif]

Kathy Xanders

Posted : 8/2/2006 9:04:11 AM

Thank you Tina

pip52

Posted : 8/2/2006 9:51:41 AM

So sorry for your loss. I know how you feel,we lost our Okie last September and I still can't talk about him, it hurts too much. I hope you get some comfort from these forums.

bragg1120

Posted : 8/3/2006 8:34:58 AM

I'm sorry to hear about Duchess... may she run free with all our babies at the bridge. [sm=angel.gif]

You'll know when the time is right to get another shepherd. Even after you get another, you may still feel it wasn't the right time. I felt guilty for a while (sometimes still do). BTW, the poem was touching.

tacran

Posted : 8/3/2006 1:59:16 PM

Kathy, I'm replying to your posts backwards (I saw your photos of Duchess first).

Yes, there are a number of people here who can relate to what you've been experiencing, and it's very helpful to connect with others who don't think it's weird that you're grieving so long and so deeply for "just a dog."

I have a few friends and family members who are very "in tune" to what I'm going through, because they're pet lovers also. But, on a day to day basis, they generally regard me like everyone else does -- life is going on as normal, and on the outside I appear to be back to my normal self. However, the ache I carry around in my heart is known only to me (and the people on this forum who see my endless references to Tonka and how much I miss him in my life).

My husband is ready for a dog again, but I can't even think about it. I don't want another dog - I want Tonka. For now, I get lots of dog "fixes" from all the pups in our neighborhood and among friends. We do lots of dog-sitting and visiting, so that's enough for me right now. And even if we do get another dog someday, while I'll be a devoted, loving Mom to it, I'll never feel the same way as I did about Tonka.

I'm grateful for this site with all the support it offers, and for people who understand when I say we still haven't put Tonka's toys away, that the clothes I wore the night he died are still folded in the exact place I left them 6 months ago, that I can't bear to remove nose prints from my car windows, and on and on.

Run free Duchess - and watch over your family. [sm=angel.gif]

Pam

Posted : 8/3/2006 4:15:25 PM

I am so sorry about Duchess. What a nice thing to have a paw print, I am now crying that I didn't do that

more quilt....

You are so right not to run out and get another pup. My husband forced us (me) to get a puupy this weekend and I feel it was definitly too soon (only 3 weeks ago). It is helping him, but making my life more miserable. She is not Holly, and I want only Holly. All the way home with the puppy., I was regretting it and hiding my tears, and thinking about finding her a new home. My SIL will take her but he wants her and is mad at me. Just what I need, an angry husband at me and a pooping/peeing puppy on top of my pure exhaustion. I'd like to just take my other dog and run away from them all.

marlania

Posted : 8/4/2006 12:48:04 AM

Sorry for your loss.

Kathy Xanders

Posted : 8/4/2006 6:11:14 AM

People just look at me funny when I choke up if I am talking about Duchess. I think even my husband, who cried like a baby for a week, is thinking--get over it already. I just can't. I really appreciate having a forum like this to come too. It does lighten my heart a little. Thank you all for the kind replies.

Kathy

ron2

Posted : 8/4/2006 6:15:16 AM

I had a cat, Misty, for 17 years. It hurt me to have her pts, though it was the best thing for her. She was pts 2-17-05 and now, it doesn't hurt quite as bad.

Her she is from winter of 2004.

Kathy Xanders

Posted : 8/4/2006 6:23:29 AM

Awsome photo Ron, I too napped like that many times. Dog on one side, cat on the other and husband desperately clinging to whatever space he could get on the bed. Ha Ha Ha, we still laugh about that. Duchess thought he should sleep on the couch and a couple times he did just because he did not want to disturb her. Thanks for the kind reply and the photo that made me laugh and brought back good memories.[

]
Kathy

Tracy Muller

Posted : 8/4/2006 2:13:53 PM

Dear Kathy,
Understand that you are not alone....I am brand new to this board today as I am in the need of reaching out to others that will understand my despair. My dog Cloe became very ill quickly this past Sun. by Wed. she wouldn't even drink water...and I had to let her go...I have NEVER experienced anything so difficult and I am still crying today.....they are such beautful animals...they are such a gift....I will miss Cloe forever, Thanks for your post, Tracy

ron2

Posted : 8/4/2006 6:02:03 PM

good memories

With proper healing, in time, that's what's left.