Check AR's please

 Kate I read your AR but didn't see the stay out of the thread aspect but of course I lost the will to live long before the end of her post - I am out the door in a minute but will read more of the thread when I get back in about an hour or so

K

In thread warning as far as MODERATORS directing posts not members...and also a private note. She needs to get over the fact that she is not in charge here...her post was exceeding rude...and very hard to comprehend ASIDE from the rudeness.

 Thread warning posted, composing note now. 

 sent:

 Bonita,

I had hoped that such a good-natured thread as the "romance" one could have been wouldn't require mod/admin intervention, but that has sadly turned out not to be the case.
You said in the thread that you had received Private Messages disagreeing with you, and in those circumstances you have two choices: 1, report them to myself or the mods if are inappropriate and/or rude, or 2, shrug your shoulders and accept that on a large public forum people are going to disagree with you.  I would also tend to think that whoever did send you those messages did so on the assumption that the contents would be kept "private" and not discussed on the forums. 
What is NOT an option is to use those PM's as an excuse to be publicly rude to other members who were simply sharing their opinions and experiences in a polite manner, which is what you did.  Plainly speaking, it is not your job to dictate what direction a thread should take and who should or should not skip the thread - that job belongs to me, Gina, Lani and Karen.  It's also not your place to state that other members "just aren't getting it" because they hold views on romance (or any topic, in any thread) that are different to your own.  Differences make the world a far less boring place.  
Saying that posters aren't "getting it" was offensive to me personally and - more importantly - offended me on behalf of all the other members contributing to that thread.  It was very clear to me that every poster has the kind of romance in their lives with which they are comfortable, and you told them that that level of comfort wasn't good enough.  I don't know which particular members you meant when you expressed those thoughts and frankly it doesn't matter, it's a level of rudeness which is unacceptable here and I would ask that in future you consider more carefully what you post.

Kind regards.
Kate/Benedict - Dog.community Admin

I hope she's medicated today or we're all in for a public lambasting no doubt LOL. Heads up for Hurricane Bonita.

Very honest and well put Kate. I have no idea why she felt the need to say ANYTHING in response to ANYONE's posts...personally.

rwbeagles

I hope she's medicated today or we're all in for a public lambasting no doubt LOL. Heads up for Hurricane Bonita.

Oh yeah, remember the last time?  When we kept editing her and she just kept reposting the same thing and complaining about us?

rwbeagles

Very honest and well put Kate. I have no idea why she felt the need to say ANYTHING in response to ANYONE's posts...personally.

Thank you....and no I can't figure it out either.  Clearly her myriad life experiences have made her wiser than the rest of us **eyeroll**...but I'm happy in my "having mastered basic grammar" corner.  

well she is online now so I guess, here we go~! LOL.

 Oh. My. GAWD.

Kate ,

With respect,   You are 100% off target on this.  The thread began as what was the most romantic thing YOU have experienced.  Several folks found it necessary to refer to things that totally made some people's memory and contribution as Cheesy etc...

They could have been polite and said Wow that is great that YOU felt this way, for me it was about when the SO did ......  BUT no... instead they said not once but several times what made someone else happy was somehow useless and unimportant. The folks posting positive contributions, ones that did not slam others had to ignore this rudeness.  They had to be the bigger person even when it was possibly a first for sharing a moment that had made them so very happy.

You scold me for a one line sentence that said " would have agreed that everyone would  be supportive yet that was not the feedback I am being given."No names.clues. hints as to who or why ...I respect the confidences of folks who emailed me and were sadden that in a world they already feel disconnected from in many ways someone had to dump on the happy thought they shared.  Instead of stepping in as a MOD and suggesting folks say simply, for me it was about this moment and action... 

It sounds as if you have issues with people sharing simple sweet moments in their lives instead of you feeling as IF I had fired off at folks in a manner that said "YOUR contribution had zero value, YOU have ZERO clue etc, etc"..  I said after several rude  postings, it is about a moment between you and another.  When that failed I said,seriously IT is not about how YOU find that person's happy minute it is about How they find it. I would never slam someone for being excited over a car, a computer or help with the kids. I have been there and it means the world to have help in these moments. Being informed roses. or whatever  are like a movie and with out value is RUDE.

As Mods you are all here to protect the LIST.  Not your personal feelings as in

 

Benedict:

Saying that posters aren't "getting it" was offensive to me personally

  This would be when YOU have the option to leave the thread or offer an opinion as to why demeaning people who are sharing and offering up very precious moments only to be told they are just not important may be less than kind....

I have zero clue as to your circumstances and life.  I am very open about my own as it is the secrets kept that bite you in the butt. Not the ones faced.  I have not devalued any poster's romantic contribution.  I have not insisted they accept a single view as the right way . I am not a Dog person , ( Romantic) telling Cat people ( non romantics) to shove off only telling folks to respect the concept that it is a single moment in time between two people that means a great deal, what part of two people was unclear??  If the most romantic thing in your life was a poem, Hey I will share it with you and sigh too, if it was getting a car that you dreamed of that would need work , been there done that it was awesome.  Some women will live their entire lives with one memory of what was romantic and precious.  I do not shut them down. I appreciate the sharing.

So far the PMS received were not 100% from folks thinking they had been dissed, 2 were from folks thinking OLDER folks have not clue what is going on in the world.  That it is not all about the Movies but about a candy bar... NOT one f the Romantics dissed them. Not one told them to grow up and find something better.  I did say it was about them not getting what was important to some one else not that their contribution was lame or immature. 

I have found a thought offered on this list can vary in acceptance, I am cool with that. When someone asks for advice I will offer my best shot at it. When someone asks for prayers they get my best at that as well.  I will not now or ever be impressed by a MOD telling me that I offended THEM PULLLLEEEASE.  When you accept the role as MOD you are supposedly neutral and able to cleanly look at a thread to decide if it has indeed been a personal slam at some one. Not that YOU find it personally rude.... not up to you. In that circumstance I would politely suggest you ask another MOD to take a look , consider if the intent was rudeness or just hoping the thread would have continued allowing folks to share something special without casting aspersions as to the value of their happy minute in time.

SO as a NON mod, allow me to say I am sorry you feel threatened or offended that asking people to back off and accept the happiness others share are their own and of value.  I am sorry that it took two request for people to understand that to make you feel I crossed a line but that the numerous I'm not a Romantic there fore my thought is the only clear one of value posts could slip right past you as if they had an empirical right to determine who can share and who can not ....They joined OUR discussion we did not jump in on a how to feel love without romance discussion.... But then when it gets really close to your heart it is hard to see the difference.

I so rarely post on I dog anymore, the fun is pretty much gone, the kinsmanship is so challenged it is brutal some days. 

If you feel the need to MODERATE me go ahead.  I had already said what I felt was necessary WITHOUT using names, pointing fingers or trying to shame anyone, for the folks who fired back an indignant remark ...? Sometimes the truth ids you with out your name being used.  And that can be very uncomfortable ....

Bonita of Bwana

 My response...short compared to hers, no?

 Bonita

Perhaps you missed the part where I said I was offended personally "and more importantly on behalf of others contributing".

I have read that thread from start to finish three times.  The only person who disparaged anyone else's idea of what was romantic was you.  For the record, that opinion is held not just by me but every one of the mods as well.

Also for the record, I'm an Admin, not a Mod, and you don't really know what we have to agree to when we accept these positions.  

I wasn't in the least "threatened", however it is simply not your place to ask others to back off.  If you have a problem with that then fine, but that is the way it is.

Lastly, as this really is NOT about my feelings and never was, I am not even going to dignify your accusations that I have a problem with people sharing sweet moments with a response.  I think it's pretty clear that if I'd had such an issue, I would not have shared on the thread myself.

It really doesn't matter whether you think the mods and I were off-base - the fact is we all had the same reaction to your post and that tells us that many others have had the same reaction - as do some posts on the thread indicating that they felt "chastised" by you.  I am asking you to consider more carefully what you post and I cannot put it more clearly than that - nor will I, as it's not up for discussion.

Kate/Benedict - Dog.community Admin.  

 Yet another eyeroll...

Oddly enough Kate, I reread the messages myself.  I never told ANYONE they hadn't a right to their feelings Nor did I disparage any feeling they shared ON topic.  

Sorry You are so deeply offended , Some people are like that. The fact that you would scamper to the other mods but you are the only one feeling the need to chastise me is interesting.  I have said ALL I needed to on the topic and had left it alone. 

As far as you being refferd to as a Mod and not an Admin. My apologies, as the "points" listed count for nothing it is very hard to determine what does count for something above anything else...  I have a busy life and can not be on line to the extent that someone employed by a list would be.  So No , I would not have a clue as to the difference. I would be surprized if most had the first clue.

You decided you needed to take it much farther,  I am curious, did you also chastise the ones who were supportive?  Hope not they were simply being a friends and  able to see it from the original  view point.

I am done with the topic and pretty close to being  done with the list. The things you allow to go on and the things that worry you are a puzzlement to me and many of my friends. I rarely post anymore because we really have no clue what can be said and can't. I am not one to run to a mod because of a minor offense.... I do worry over endless use by minors etc but then being a parent that would bug me.

Shall we call a truce? You can feel as if you have "straigtened me out" and I will go my own way hoping to avoid further offense . MY thread was not a negative thread, The concept of it being a negative thought has only been reflected to me, by you and the ones who were particularly dismissve of the feelings shared by others. And even they left it at a random remark.

You need not reply, I am going to be at a big show for a few days and celebrating a family event.  If, when I check email  I try to log on and can not I will assume you needed to take this farther. 

Bonita