somewhat of a vent.

I sent you a PM

I know what you're referring to and I've been around here a verrrryyyy long time and still feel the same way. Don't take it personally and don't let it chase you away. Most of us here aren't perfect or even claim to be. We do the best we can, we make mistakes and sometimes we just don't agree. I've felt like you many times (and felt like it from that thread), but I guess I'm just not surprised by it any more. If you know in your heart that you're doing the best for your dogs, then don't worry about what others think.

some people are just rude --

Ages ago it used to upset me when people didn't "like" me or said unkind things to me.  It really devastated me.  But since then, I've just plain had to come to terms with the fact that not everyone likes me -- their option.  But *I* don't have to feel bad about it either. 

They can have their opinions - that doesn't make them right or good.  They can even put them out there for me and thee and the world to see -- but that still doesn't make them right or good ... so I can accept it or reject it. 

And hey -- cakana -- what's this about you not being PERFECT?? **gasp choke** -- tell me it ain't soooooooooooooooooooo!!!  cos wait just a second .. if you aren't ... nooooo don't tell me that .... can't BE ... nooooooo that .... I??? ME??? am not???

most folks never learned what my mother taught me.  If you can't say something nice ... say nothing at all.  And you don't always have to say 'good news' ... but you CAN say it "nicely".  You can say it kindly.  or ... keep quiet.

But some folks in this world tend to think being abrupt and self-important somehow makes them an expert.  Gosh ... I'm glad THEY are fooled.... cos I'm not! 

Please don't let them upset you.  Most of them just aren't worth it ... but there are a lot of GOOD and valuable things to be gleaned from a place like this.  so take the good ... and let the rest just roll off you and not bother you.

calliecritturs

And hey -- cakana -- what's this about you not being PERFECT?? **gasp choke** -- tell me it ain't soooooooooooooooooooo!!!  cos wait just a second .. if you aren't ... nooooo don't tell me that .... can't BE ... nooooooo that .... I??? ME??? am not???

I know but it's true. Maybe I should change my siggy to "Hi - my name is Cathy and I'm not perfect"   Callie - you on the other hand, just might be.......real close

Cathy is perfect...I certainly agree with that.

*can I have my $10 now?*

never mind.... sent PM.

Hang in there. I'm not sure of your age or emotional background but for me, I have found that being older and having most of my feelings either burned out or surgically removed has been very relaxing.

FWIW, I started out traing my dog with lure/reward and corrections, including the scruff and pin or alpha roll, sometimes, with all the attendant background to that and it didn't sit well with everyone. Then I found, for us, much better success with clicker training and a largely +R training base, and that didn't sit well with some. And I used to have issues against raw feeding, which didn't sit well with others. Now, I don't care, one way or the other. And I feed my dog Nutro Natural Choice Large Breed Adult Lamb Meal and Rice, which didn't sit well with others. My old cat Misty, lived 17 years on Purina foods. 16 on Delicat and 1 year on NF. And that didn't sit well with some.

Like Ricky Nelson sang in "Garden Party", "You can't please everyone so you got to please yourself."

And we constantly have discussions about assorted subjects of deep scientific interest and don't always agree.

But you will find that, by and large, this forum offers a lot of support and help and education, either directly from the members or from researching something they said. During one of the long-running carnivore-omnivore debates, I wound up learning about the skeletal structures of dogs and wolves. Who'da thunk it? I'm an electrician, for goodness' sake. Sometimes, I have a read a post that struck me off key or a bit irksome. So, I leave it alone and come back to it after work or the next day and see if it still strikes the same chord, or not. Have patience with yourself, and others.

That's a cool-looking avatar. What is that?

I think you've gotten some great advice here.  Some people do  tend to come on a bit strong, but remember - it is the internet.  You can't see the expression on  someones face or hear the tone of voice - if you could, that might make a big difference.  They don't know you and you don't know them so try not to take it too personally. Just relax, enjoy the forum and make some new friends.

Joyce

I've learned to just ignore what I don't like, or any rudeness... 

thanks for all the responses..

I'll be more aware of how I 'ask' questions....

I do think I'm providing the best that I can for my dogs & thats all that really matters, I also can't expect everyone to agree with me, and thats alright. 

akyramoto82

thanks for all the responses..

I'll be more aware of how I 'ask' questions....

I do think I'm providing the best that I can for my dogs & thats all that really matters, I also can't expect everyone to agree with me, and thats alright. 

It not really all about the asking of the question, but the way you respond to other posts.  Honestly, I don't think that your dogs' weight would have been mentioned at all if it had not been for you stating that "house" dogs are fat.  IMHO, saying something like that can be interpreted by those that have "house" dogs as being just as rude as you say that people critiquing your dog's weight was. 

sillysally

Honestly, I don't think that your dogs' weight would have been mentioned at all if it had not been for you stating that "house" dogs are fat. 

Agreed. I've honestly been shocked before by people posting pictures of morbidly obese dogs and getting NO comments about the dog's weight.. your dog being "'slightly" overweight in the opinions of a few members definitely wouldn't have been mentioned if you hadn't made silly generalizations about "house dogs"...

Gosh on two of my breed lists people can go so far beyond snarky you would be amazed!!  Recently  in a thread about the National Club Politics one newish member , you know the type a one dog dynasty had to make totally uneccessary remarks about President Clinton and the whole Monica  Nastyness.  How in the world did this have anything to do with request to hire a parlementarian to define  and clarify choices made by the BOD???  In our Group we have a brilliant woman who was Pres Regan's speech writer, traveling for ages with them as part of his staff, a staunch Republican, Here I am a die hard Democrat and both of us found the remarks  over the top for offensive.  Both of us responded asking him to avoid this type of  ignorant remarks.  He lashed out in public in equally foul manner directed at both of us, we ignored it , then he sent a pm to me that was short and foul , just a few sentences.  After remarking to another person on the list that truly all of us had learned what we needed to get along in Kindergarten he again  struck out  . I considered ignoring it but knowing the character I decided to advise him that any further nasty grams would be forwarded to the people he seemed to want to impress , that the ones who found him funny were the kind of people who had no concern about his future in the breed simply enjoyed a small moment of jerry springer amuesment at his expense, that . That like watching a kid pull his pants down in public or pick his nose the group as a whole were generally embarassed for that kid,  and that if I was doing the same thing I would hope my friends on the list would chastise me or remind me of just how poorly I was making myself look. I asked if he actually kissed his mom with that mouth and commented on how proud his family and friends must be that when confronted or corrected his only recourse was the type of remarks he had sent t I also explained that being well like and fairly respected as a member of the breed for just shy 30 years now I felt reasonably sure that many folk would side with me should it be necessary to forward his eamils to the list as a whole.  Ending my note with the remark that as My personal Sex life was pretty good I did not think it would ever be necessary for me to rely on taking care of everything solo , but perhaps that or needing to pay for it was a big part of his problem. 

At no time did I use foul language , resort to name calling or the general ugliness that he relies upon to "make a point".   I did not find taking a vicious tone to be needed either. I made my point and reminded him that by his own words he was identifying himself as a troll.

So far it is working.   Try to never lower yourself to the level of the person , instead you might try the following.  If questions about your odog's care ie weight seem to be constant   ask for first thier credentials in your breed, then advice to improve what they perceive as a problem Fat? How many pounds do they think?  What food or excercise would they suggest?  Can they post a couple of photos to illustrate their point of view. The with every response, again staying eager to learn from them .... ask more questions.... don't allow anyone ammunition by saying I can't just use pphrases like I need more information and suggestions are really appreciated. If they get too snarky ask Why the tone seems to be so negative? Keep the ball in thier court . If they can not see that you are sincere in your efforts to do your very best by your furkids  then request that they agree to disagree and discontinue the thread. If this fails then contact a moderator. Request they help to chill things out. Why some folks can only feel okay with thier life when they are tearing someone else apart befuddles me. But you do not have to take this and you have buddies, just pm any of us when you need some back up.

Hang in there and know by joining a dog board you are showing your dedication to doing the best by your furkids, by asking and learning however you can.

Bonita of Bwana

Sorry that happened to you, has happened to me in here too, but I'm old and my skin is quite thick, it stung for a bit but I got over it.  I was told maybe I was too old to get a pup and when I did get one, they didn't like where I got her.  Tooo bad I say, it was my choice not theirs. *S* and we are both doing fine.