calliecritturs
Posted : 1/20/2008 9:27:30 PM
Ok, and I've stayed silent on all 7 of these pages. There are times when in the name of 'discussion' on here it's really more about people wanting to vent and respond to venting.
I'd rather be productive. It's not about whether or not I'm 'for or against' puppy mills or any other part of the bad breeding world. I have had many dogs we've taken that resulted from that system and I can almost quote the breed-related health problems of most popular breeds.
But there's a time to say and a time not to. Not just because of whether or not it's cruel or inappropriate. (Altho that's extremely valid a point.) But simply because there are times when "saying so" is literally counter productive. If you jump in simply in the name of 'education' in hopes MAYBE a lurker might read it -- then say it in a way that it's KIND.
It may be right as rain, but if it's snotty then who the heck is gonna listen? No one who *needs* it.
The pregnant teenager? There's a difference between talking TO someone and talking "at" them. She's not going to listen TO anyone who tries to make her feel worse. You can be 'right' but if no one listens -- who cares? Completely counter-productive.
Same with the cop -- interesting "examples" given thru here -- and you know, there have been a couple of times in my life (not many) that I've been stopped by a cop and before I left I THANKED them. There have also been a couple of times I've reported them (and won). It all depended on how I was treated. And both guys got "paid" for it.
If you're just out to be 'heard' and in love with your own voice, fine. But you may find not much of anyone listens a whole lot. They may spit your words back ... but you may not have been very productive.
The lurker who reads the "OMG you bought from THEM??" -- they might look up the website out of sheer curiosity but you probably won't make your point with *them* simply because if they're looking out of curiosity they probably are about as "shallow" as a puddle on the subject anyway. It'll blow in one year and out the other.
Discuss all you want. I'm not sure how many minds were changed here. A bit of compassion ... some common sense about when to say something when it *might* be better received? That may help.
I truly wish folks could carry away one thot -- the idea of whether or not someone asked for an opinion and advice. You may offer (and I do mean ***offer***, as in **politely**) your advice, but you'd better do it carefully or it can actually have the opposite effect. Arrogance often 'kills' more points than it makes.
Every time I offer someone a thot or even a URL on something like acupuncture or something holistic, I *GOTTA* know that some people are just plain gonna blow it out their ear. Cos either they're afraid of it, think it's weird or evil or it's too far out of their frame of reference to process mentally. If I say it in a nasty way -- it's not only going to be not received, but it could literally have the opposite effect that I want. ("see anyone who belives that junk IS nuts";)
But ... if I say it in a nice way, without condemnation ... a few people may take it seriously.
That's the best I can hope for, honestly. But if I leave someone with a nice thot, then at least later on they won't ignore me outright -- because they know I didn't try to slap them.
When you come out harshly or with venom ... and some folks wonder why people don't just bow to their authority (because of some degree, title or experience). But it generally just plain makes you sound dumb or crass and you get ignored. People may not always agree with me -- in fact, some of you usually don't. But I'd rather leave a discussion with someone thinking ... than to just leave it with someone hurt who never comes back as a result.
I know in this life I'm not always going to be agreed with ... but being credible is important.