A new best friend - how long?

• 07-03-2008 3:21 PM

  bernerbear Joined on 05-23-2008 Posts 31 Points 0

  A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact Hi everyone, As some of you may know, I recently (one week ago) lost my wonderful Bernese Mountain Dog, Jethro, to cancer. It has been the hardest experiece of my life, but fortunately I have a wonderful family and we are all getting through this together. The whole family agrees that we would like to get another dog. At first it was impossible to really think about it, as we were just dealing with the grief of losing Jethro, and just seeing other dogs would make me upset. But I am feeling better and better, and have come to the point where I feel I really want another 'baby' to love. We feel led to rescue a dog from the shelter this time, and I must confess that I have already been looking at all the on-line posting of dogs up for adoption. Sometimes I wonder though, 'is this too soon?' So my question is this: after you lose a pet, how long should you wait before you begin searching for a 'new best friend?' I feel the urgency of the dogs in the shelters waiting for homes, which makes me think I should be looking for one right now. But on the other hand, the death of Jethro is still fresh in my heart. What I DONT want to do, is get another dog, and then be comparing it in my mind to how Jethro was. I want to have a totally open heart to accept a new dog, just as they are. Right now I am thinking that after we have had Jethro's 'funeral' (we just got his ashes back today, which was very hard), buried his ashes and made the memorial scraobook we are working on, then there will be some finalality in that way, and that we could begin visiting the shelters. My sister is getting married on Aug. 2 and so we are somewhat busy preparing for that. I think it would be best to wait till after the big day to actually bring our new dog (or puppy) home. I am home all summer though, so would have lots of time to help the dog or puppy get settled in, do training, etc. Has anyone had experience going through this, and if so, how long did you wait, what did you do, etc. I'd love to hear some opinions on it. I still miss my dear boy incredibly, but it helps to look forward to the future.  -bernerbear

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• 07-03-2008 3:39 PM

  In reply to bernerbear

  micksmom Joined on 09-10-2007 Warren Co, NJ Posts 1,804 Points 200

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact First I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss.    bernerbear: ...So my question is this: after you lose a pet, how long should you wait before you begin searching for a 'new best friend?'... Honestly, there is no set in stone time frame.  Start looking for your new friend when you feel ready.  We started the search for Caleb about 2 weeks after we lost Mick.    Oops- I meant to add I, too, was afraid I'd comparing Caleb to Mick, especially since Mick looked like a purebred yellow Lab.  My biggest fear was that I was going to expect Caleb to be Mick.  Guess what?  I do compare them, but in the same way I compare my two human sons (the oldest one is interested in A, younger one in B.  That kind of stuff).  As for expecting Caleb to be Mick, my husband was right when he said Caleb's personality would stop that.  Hope all that made sense! My name is Sue How do you do?

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• 07-03-2008 4:12 PM

  In reply to micksmom

  AuroraLove Joined on 11-26-2007 Posts 1,152 Points 330

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact You wait as long as you need to, there is no specific time limit. One thing that might make it easier for you is to remember the canine world is a loving and pack natured world. Jethro could just be looking down saying "Hey Mom, Dad, family.....some other dog out there needs your love right now" Best friends are made, not adopted and if you go into the idea of adoption with that in mind it may help you bond and help the life of another dog. Sure he or she won't be no Jethro but in the honor of Jethro you can love again. When we lost Brutus, a childhood dog and we got our next house dog I remember watching him racee around the yard like a spazz and hearing my Dad say " Oh Brutus look what we got ourselves into" as if telling Brutus he sure isnt you but were gonna give it a shot! Wait until you can look back on Jethro and smile for all the sweet things he brought to your life. Jethro shouldnt be a reason to mourn but a reason to smile!

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• 07-03-2008 4:48 PM

  In reply to bernerbear

  shadowsgin Joined on 03-06-2007 N.W. Arkansas Posts 488 Points 280

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact I was in the same place you are in Feb.  Shadow passed in Jan., 1 week later I was on line and visiting shelters in the area.   Hubby wasnt quite ready,  everyone kept saying give it time.   The loss of Shadow left a big hole in our hearts and our home.   Like you I wanted to fill that void.   We did finally adopt Rocky  approximately 4 weeks after loosing Shadow.  It definately helped fill that missing part, although Rocky is not the same breed or personality our lives got back to more complete.   Then, although we were not going to have more than one dog at a time, Hot Shot came along.  He had been mistreated, he is now so happy to be a part of our family as we are happy to have him with us.   How Long???  I was ready after 1 week, hubby had to be convinced 4 weeks later.  We are all happy now!   I think its all up to each individual.   You have a very loving home, that's obvious,  take your time but dont feel like there has to be a certain amount of time that passes.

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• 07-03-2008 5:05 PM

  In reply to bernerbear

  BlackLabbie Joined on 01-28-2008 South of Boston Posts 1,112 Points 175

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact I'm so sorry about your recent loss. I don't think there's any specific time limit on how long to wait before you get another dog. You know you will never be able to replace Jethro, just remember that when getting a new dog. There's no rush, take as much time as you need. I waited three and a half years before getting another dog. Yes, that's a long time, but I never compared Apollo to my first dog, I was totally past the grieving stage, and I waited for a good time in my life to adopt Apollo. If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution. ~Author Unknown

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• 07-03-2008 5:10 PM

  In reply to shadowsgin

  huskymom Joined on 09-10-2007 Thunder Bay ON Posts 5,536 Points 465

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact  When I lost my childhood dog Cinders, I was devastated.  My sister on the other hand went out and got a new Cinders.  I was sooooo determined not to even like that dog.  I refused to call her Cinders.  But that little pipsqueak wiggled her way into my heart like no other dog ever has.  She had a really rough start to her life, losing her momma at 3 weeks, living on her own while 6 of her 7 littermates slowly died off until a friend of our vets found her and her one surviving sister.  She never grew bigger than a Cocker Spaniel and she was a Lab.  She became my Pint Sized Princess and till the day she died, I called her Pint, while everyone else called her Cinders.  My point is, that I was not ready for her in my head.  My head argued something fierce but my heart knew better.  Pint needed me.  She needed my love more than anyone else's and it was beyond my power to withold that. You'll know when the time is right.  You'll know when you find the right dog. Candace

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• 07-03-2008 6:40 PM

  In reply to huskymom

  calliecritturs Joined on 09-10-2007 Central Florida Posts 7,240 Points 1,975

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact It is SO individual.  And I think a lot of it has to do with your whole outlook on dogs, and how *you* related to dogs.  I typically try to get a dog completely different ... not to avoid comparison, but just to experience something *NEW*.  It keeps me learning, keeps me sharp, gives me new experience and makes ME *stretch*.  There is no wrong answer.  David and I particularly enjoy getting a dog who "needs" ****US**** in particular --- for some reason there's something in ~this~ dog that needs the type of care we're good at.  Then other times, like when we took Billy, sheesh he was another buffy coated Eng. cocker (so was Muffin the Intrepid).  But by golly two dogs were never less alike!  But the knowledge sure did come in handy. Depends on how flexible you are, what sort of challenge (or *not*) you're looking for ... yield to that inner you.  You won't go wrong.

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• 07-03-2008 8:07 PM

  In reply to calliecritturs

  glenmar Joined on 09-10-2007 Northwestern Michigan Posts 11,480 Points 405

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact   IMHO, the time needed to wait varies as much as the number of individuals involved.  There is NO right amount of time for every single person.  You just have to follow your heart.  When we listen to our hearts, we do what's right for US.  Maybe not what's right for nine zillion other folks, but what IS right for us. I too am sorry for your loss. A house without fur is not a home. Glenda

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• 07-03-2008 8:18 PM

  In reply to bernerbear

  BCMixs Joined on 01-10-2008 Virginia Posts 1,393 Points 25

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact Hi BernerBear, I'm soooo sorry for your loss.  I know how difficult and heartbreaking it can be.  I lost my 10 y.o. Airedale to bloat.  I had planned not to get another dog for a long time.  I wanted to travel once my children went to college.  But after 1 1/2 years, I couldn't stand it anymore, the house didn't feel right without a dog.  I decided the right dog would find me.  I started looking on Petfinder and decided that the right dog would just "jump out" at me.  I didn't want to get another Airedale for several reasons, one of them being the comparison issue and also because I wanted to save a dog from a shelter or rescue instead of buying a purposely bred dog like I had with my Airedale.  Bless you for considering a shelter dog!! Right now due to the economy, adoptions are down and turn ins are up.      If I were you, I'd make sure all family members were ready for a new dog.  My kids were ready far quicker than me.  It took me much longer to grieve, but I understand your feelings.  I stopped walking on our trails and resented people who were lucky enough to have dogs when I'd lost my best friend.  Once you're sure everyone is comfortable with the decision and ready to welcome a new family member, wait until the right dog finds you.  Your heart will tell you when it's right.  I cruised Petfinder for about 6 months before I saw Woobie and he just caught my interest.  His temperament wasn't at all what I was looking for, but once my daughter and I met him, we knew he was meant to be with us.  While looking for Indie, I turned down 2 other dogs that were great but just weren't "right".  Listen to your heart and let things go at their own pace, the right dog will find its way to you and your family. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm sure the funeral and the scrapbook will be bittersweet but it's such a sweet way to remember your loved pet!  Hugs!   30 lbs. by Christmas, down 4 lbs., 26 to go!!!

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• 07-04-2008 8:24 AM

  In reply to AuroraLove

  bernerbear Joined on 05-23-2008 Posts 31 Points 0

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact Thanks everyone! AuroraLove, I really like what you said about Jethro looking down and telling us some other dog needs our love. He would be just just the dog to say that, if he could talk! I think the comparison issue won't be too much of a problem, especially since Berners are such a unique breed (IMO). I'm looking very much forward to letting a new dog find me and join our family! We will begin visiting the shelter soon, and just let it happen. I saw a dog on the shelter website who kinda caught my eye already.... Thanks for all your comments, they're very encouraging :) -bernerbear

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• 07-04-2008 9:43 AM

  In reply to bernerbear

  auburn2932 Joined on 09-13-2007 Camp Hill, PA Posts 304 Points 35

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact I am so sorry for your loss, yes it does leave a big hole in your heart.  We lost our precious April on Dec. 11th. I became depressed, did not eat or sleep, lost 11 lbs. in about two weeks.  We got our little Bonnie January the l2th.  I didn't think I was ready but DH insisted, he was so worried about me as I am a Senior Citizen and he was worried about my health.  He was right, then I had something else to occupy my mind and we love our little Bonnie so much.  She brought me right around.  There is no set time on how long to wait, whenever you feel you are ready.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of my dear little April and cry a tear or two over her, she will never leave my heart, I know.  Bonnie is a little dear and I love her with all my heart.  God Bless you. Bonnie Blue Belle April - Feb. 2, 2000 - Dec. 11 - 2007 If tears could build a stairway And memories a lane I'd walk right up to Heaven And bring you home again.

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• 07-04-2008 10:10 PM

  In reply to bernerbear

  malnmutt Joined on 09-10-2007 Posts 78 Points 5

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact   I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. I also wanted to echo that it's really up to you to decide when you're ready. I started looking for a new dog about a week after my Yukon died and brought home another dog about a month later. Some people won't understand that you're ready so be prepared for that. Some folks may think you're looking to replace the dog but *I* know and you know that's not how it is. Just be prepared for that. I've talked to my coworkers many times about adoptions to people who just lost a dog and some of them don't understand that for many people it's easier to grieve when you have another dog start loving.   Good luck finding the right dog for you!

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• 07-04-2008 10:57 PM

  In reply to bernerbear

  Bonita of Bwana Joined on 09-14-2007 Foley , Alabama Posts 1,664 Points 4,655

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact Gosh , I feel your pain Honest I do.  Let me reply by simply saying I have found after having a truly Awesome dog the best part of the legacy was that I could Not be without another. It is not the same, they are not replacing the lost dog they are simply trying to fill a space, a hole in my life and day. We have in the past few years , shoot decades actually, found after the loss of a male we had older females grieving so badly we had to find a pup to help them.,  I believe in my heart and soul that some folks are meant to be Dog families they were not to be alone or simply 2 leggers.  Some folks need spas and plastic surgery or retail therapy and others were meant to have the touch of fur and the rythym of a heartbeat tuned into your own. I think in your heart you know how much Jethro was open to others, people and furkind , and if you ask yourself would HE be happier that you became selfish and guarded in your life to avoid future heartache or that you gave another many years of love and care? Being a dog owner is expensive and painful, and it is a choice.  Once you make the choice, you are committed and it's all or nothing.  Jethro was that for you right?? A good friend of mine said it perfectly " She is gone from my days but not from my life, she changed me forever and will be part of my memory forever"  Roy Huges, Texas Rescue Ranch  TIRR   This man has rescued more Ridgebacks in need than almost any other person I know. Bonita of Bwana Bonita of Bwana AKC Rhodesian Ridgebacks Champions, Therapy Dogs and Awesome Companions

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• 07-05-2008 10:11 AM

  In reply to bernerbear

  claire300 Joined on 09-10-2007 Central NJ Posts 59 Points 170

  Re: A new best friend - how long? Reply Contact Can't add anything new to what others have said.    This is a completely personal decision. When my Frieda died, my DH and I were unconsolable.    We would burst out in tears at the mention of her name.   I knew we would want another dog, but thought we'd wait several months.   This all happened in the month of July.   Then 9/11 hit and 2 weeks later an ad showed up in the local newspaper "2 Weimaraners free to a good home."    What were we waiting for?     These two dogs needed a home and we went for them. Sometimes outside forces guide us in ways we don't have planned!    So go with your heart AND your head.   Nothing happens.....but first a dream. Carl Sandburg

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