How to Build Trust with Your Dog

DPU

Cita

Edit: DPU, that's a great idea. That would go a long way towards explaining why Rascal is so much more calm around strangers after he's spent some time at his doggy daycare!! I assumed it was just that the handlers were kind and professionals, but I'm sure the other friendly dogs had a lot to do with it, too!!! 

It also works the other way too, depending on how strong and stable the group is.  When my foster hound with SA first destroyed his kennel in a panic episode, the foster dog in the next kennel joined the frenzy and destroy her kennel.  Prior to that, the dog next kept her kennel in perfect order. 

 

Excellent.....I feel a calm pack has a big influence on a dog that is hyper or not comfortable in it's own skin......I have seen that so many times.....

Cita

Edit: DPU, that's a great idea. That would go a long way towards explaining why Rascal is so much more calm around strangers after he's spent some time at his doggy daycare!! I assumed it was just that the handlers were kind and professionals, but I'm sure the other friendly dogs had a lot to do with it, too!!! 

Yeah!   My dog is more unflappable after her weekly stay in daycare, too!

And being "unflappable" is kind of the key. A day at daycare is full of surprises and mishaps and social interactions that could never be scripted. When the dog is able to move, successfully, through a day like that, he comes out confident and capable. My goal is to provide opportunity for that kind of experience with my dog as much as makes sense (balanced with consistency and structure). The more spontaneous and unanticipated events that my dog and I successfully move through, the more we have a track record together, the more she trusts me to "be the man", and the more she can relax.

I also relate to Willow's comment, about rough housing. It provides lots of opportunities to play at conflict/tension and release/resolution ... good stuff for establishing "unflappability"! Constantly avoiding tension means avoiding opportunities to establish trust. It's all the little ways that trust is tested and proven that builds it firmly and makes it lasting.

ETA: Oh, yeah ... and massage! Lots of loving massage! 

My dog also is at her best when around big, calm dogs that don't get worried about things. She has a quiet greyhound friend that seems to put her in some kind of trance of quietness and calmness just by turning up.

This is just an idea, but you could try taking Rascal to some interesting new places with you. I find me and Penny really seem to come together when we go somewhere new and interesting together. With her, off-leash walking in tall grass and shrubs went a long way to building the kind of relationship we now have. She's a short dog and has trouble getting through the long grass sometimes, and if she strays, she can't see me and panics. I would find narrow little goat tracks and she quickly came to walk right on my heels so she could keep track of where I was and benefit from me trampling the grass down a bit for her. Sometimes I used to let her pick the path we would go on, which was something she found a bit scary at first, but soon became comfortable with. Now she will pick a path she wants, but keep a close eye on where I go so she can dash back to me if I choose a different one. She secretly likes that game.

With my hare, who is far more flighty and scared than any dog will ever be, you build trust with him by being predictable. When I want him to be calm, I speak in a low, cooing voice, nice and soft. I always used to accompany that with moving very slowly and non-threateningly and backing away from him so he learnt to associate those noises and movements with impending calm, so much so that to a degree, I can calm him with those noises when he is agitated. That's the kind of thing I found most valuable with him. I just used the same tone and said the same sort of things every time I came near him. He doesn't know what any of it means, but he's very good at learning patterns and habits and routine, so he learns people by their behaviour patterns. If your behaviour patterns are very consistent, he learns you very fast and you become predictable and therefore trustworthy. If your behaviour patterns are inconsistent or seemingly random, he finds you difficult to predict and won't trust you. So every time I walk past, I might say "hi Kit", and every time I peer into his cage, I might make kissing sounds, and every time I've got something for him, I click my fingers, and every time I come towards him when he's out I move slow and look away and talk softly and in low tones, and every I open his cage, I talk to him in a conversational, jaunty tone. It's amazing how it puts him at ease and makes him relaxed around me. I don't think a dog needs that degree of care and consistency, but I do think it's a good habit to get into, especially if you're trying to pro-actively encourage trust. It only took about 6 months for Kit to come to trust me that way, although I was the one feeding him his milk. It took about 2 years to cement our bond, but he's a hare and dogs are way better at it and much easier to work with than a hare.

And being "unflappable" is kind of the key. A day at daycare is full of surprises and mishaps and social interactions that could never be scripted. When the dog is able to move, successfully, through a day like that, he comes out confident and capable.

I actually try to NOT have a stable, set daily schedule just to help "proof" the dogs against over-reacting to stress. We don't eat at the same times, we don't come home or leave for work at the same times, we don't exercise at the same times or in the same places, we don't do anything the same from day to day, sometimes we deliberately introduce utter chaos into the household. Pups are taken into chaotic environments as much as possible. Note this is different than being inconsistent- doggy rules of behavior and cues are kept as consistent as possible.

mudpuppy

[I actually try to NOT have a stable, set daily schedule just to help "proof" the dogs against over-reacting to stress. We don't eat at the same times, we don't come home or leave for work at the same times, we don't exercise at the same times or in the same places, we don't do anything the same from day to day, sometimes we deliberately introduce utter chaos into the household. Pups are taken into chaotic environments as much as possible. Note this is different than being inconsistent- doggy rules of behavior and cues are kept as consistent as possible.

I can't see doing this in the beginning stages of trust building when the dog is looking to satisfy the needs for safety and security. 

mudpuppy

I actually try to NOT have a stable, set daily schedule just to help "proof" the dogs against over-reacting to stress.

I agree with this to a point as well. In our home, there is a routine, but it's fluid as to how it happens. The dogs know that in the morning, when people get up, they'll get up, go out to pee, come in, play, then eat breakfast, then go back out to pee/poo, then come in and play before resting for the afternoon. But they don't care if it's 6 am that we get up, or 8 am, or 10 am if we decide to sleep in. During the day they don't go outside at all the same times each day, or have all the same cookie breaks, or go into kennels to eat all at the same time. It could be at different times every day, but the dogs know there WILL be a morning and evening meal, there WILL be cookies at bedtime, there WILL be lots of outdoor time to play, there WILL be time to play, etc.

I think a lot of dogs are set up for anxiety and stress when they stick to rigid schedules. Because if for any reason you go off-schedule, you get the dog that is upset that supper's not ready, or the dog that messed inside because you weren't there at the moment you usually were. Dogs can develop great trust in their people to care for their needs without being rigid in schedule. We live a busy life. We don't eat at the same time every day, or get up at the same time everyday, or even play with the dogs at the same time everyday. The dogs have adapted to knowing their needs will be met, and they don't fuss or worry if things aren't exactly on time.

As for how to build trust with a dog......with a dog that inherently doesn't trust you, I would build more routine in the beginning. So that the dog has something to fall back on as security. I wouldn't personally do chaos with a new, untrusting dog at first.

Things that have been mentioned that are the biggies: consistency, routine.

Trust is also built though, through other means:
1) Doing your best to really understand your dog. Taking the time to truly get to know the dog. Accepting the dog for what he/she is. Acceptance is the first step. Don't expect your dog to be someone it's not. It'll set you up for frustration, and the dog up for confusion. Know what your dog loves, likes, and hates. Try not to expose your dog to too many of the hated things.
2) Learning to understand canine body language well. Learn the calming signals of dogs. one of the best things I ever learned in relation to communicating with dogs, and being able to understand them. They are as much a language as the spoken word is of humans. Honestly. Turid Rugaas is a huge role model of mine, in so many ways.
3) Not pushing the dog into things it doesn't like, isn't comfortable with. Listen to the dog when it is telling you it is uncomfortable. Back off if the dog is telling you so. Give the dog a break and approach the problem again later, or try a different alternative.
4) Fulfilling all of the dog's needs. This is a biggie. http://www.coherentdog.org/ I love this site, it's the most unscientific, but one of my favorite dog-related sites out there. http://www.coherentdog.org/articles.htm#realneeds This page does a good job of pointing out the real needs of dogs.

You'll notice most of my things have nothing to do with teaching. Trust is built not just through teaching (although teaching dogs things can help build trust as well, and confidence!). But rather it all has to do with relationship with the dog, and the dog with you. Accepting the dog for who it is, fulfilling the needs, providing structure, stability, and security, listening to what your dog is telling you, and striving to better yourself by learning how to communicate with your dog, are all things that are inherent to building trust. Sometimes it requires being humble and forgetting what the mainstream tells you you "should" do, and simply sitting down and listen to what your dog is telling you at that very moment in time. Because your dog only knows how to be brutally honest with you. It's up to you to get rid of past thoughts and conceptions and truly listen.

For me, teaching would come after these things are met, or at least at the same time. Teaching can be a big help in building relationship and trust, as dogs who know what is expected and how to get what it wants/needs, will have an easier time settling in. And teaching even silly tricks can be a huge boost in confidence and relationship building.

Kim_MacMillan

4) Fulfilling all of the dog's needs. This is a biggie. http://www.coherentdog.org/ I love this site, it's the most unscientific, but one of my favorite dog-related sites out there. http://www.coherentdog.org/articles.htm#realneeds This page does a good job of pointing out the real needs of dogs.

You'll notice most of my things have nothing to do with teaching. Trust is built not just through teaching (although teaching dogs things can help build trust as well, and confidence!). But rather it all has to do with relationship with the dog, and the dog with you. Accepting the dog for who it is, fulfilling the needs, providing structure, stability, and security, listening to what your dog is telling you, and striving to better yourself by learning how to communicate with your dog, are all things that are inherent to building trust. Sometimes it requires being humble and forgetting what the mainstream tells you you "should" do, and simply sitting down and listen to what your dog is telling you at that very moment in time. Because your dog only knows how to be brutally honest with you. It's up to you to get rid of past thoughts and conceptions and truly listen.

For me, teaching would come after these things are met, or at least at the same time. Teaching can be a big help in building relationship and trust, as dogs who know what is expected and how to get what it wants/needs, will have an easier time settling in. And teaching even silly tricks can be a huge boost in confidence and relationship building.

I do like this part of your post and I admit this is what I have been trying to express.  So many times when a dog has a problem we jump right into behavior modification techniques rather than looking whether the dog's needs are met.   I appreciate you referencing those site but I was hoping for a better order and structure of the needs....sort of like Maslow's theory where the lower rank needs have to be satisfied first before higher level needs.  But I am not a psych major, just rememberimg my psych 101 from decades ago.  Maybe another thread at another time...members seem not to want to talk about this because they are so sure they are satisfying their dog's every need and have the right trade between some.

Kim_MacMillan

mudpuppy

I actually try to NOT have a stable, set daily schedule just to help "proof" the dogs against over-reacting to stress.

As for how to build trust with a dog......with a dog that inherently doesn't trust you, I would build more routine in the beginning. So that the dog has something to fall back on as security. I wouldn't personally do chaos with a new, untrusting dog at first.

I agree.  I just approach it the same way I would if say, my dog were afraid of storms.  Obviously the goal is to be able to change up routine without the dog freaking out, but if she can't do that at first, I'll ease into it.  Just like if she were scared of storms, I wouldn't force her to sit and listen to thunder for hours right away.  I'm not a big fan of flooding and I'd rather do slow desensitization, and that includes intangible things like chaos, lack of routine.  I'm fine with proofing for disrupted routines, but when that would initially cause a lot of stress (as with Kenya), I'll stick to a routine for a while.  It doesn't mean you have to do that forever.

DPU

I do like this part of your post and I admit this is what I have been trying to express.  So many times when a dog has a problem we jump right into behavior modification techniques rather than looking whether the dog's needs are met. 

She was the one who led me to find clicker teaching. Before that, while I had a lot of the philosophy that I do now, I had never touched a clicker. I am so devoted to my guys in that way, that I will go out on a limb to try anything. You wouldn't believe how skeptical I was when I started working with a clicker. It felt awkward and artificial, much like what some people discuss on here. But from reading how much it helped other people and their dogs, I gave it a shot. And once we started with that, we were, most literally, on our way. We also started a specific exercise regimen that involved specifically just free-walking. Not directed walking, but walking that allowed her to decide what she wanted to do, on a long line (at the time she was not off-leash taught). We strolled through the fields, through the woods, I just went with her and let her be her. That's not to say we hadn't done that before, but now I made it a habit to focus on her (rather than taking a bunch of dogs, or even two dogs). At the same time I started  some modified T-Touch massage techniques, and we did it every evening, and if not at least five days per week. Within four months I was able to wean her back off her meds, and she never has required them again. On two other occasions she began showing some obsessive urges again (after her spay surgery at 1.5 years, and then a few months ago after her surgery for a tucked vulva), brought on by stress. I couldn't exercise her much due to her condition, and she couldn't run through brush. Especially after her vulva surgery which resulted in 50 stitches between her vulva and anus, she wasn't allowed to be that active. So I upped her clicker lessons again, for simple things she could do calmly, as well as used T-touch massages. By my simply listening to her, and answering her need (in this case it wasn't a physical need, but an emotional one, but just as important), she got over it within the day and never looked back. All she needed was a little comfort and understanding, which I provided to her.

To make a long story short, she didn't need behaviour modification, or any sort of 'program'. She just needed me to recognize that she was feeling a certain way, to acknowledge it, and to help her deal with it. Massage helped with the touch and physical contact she was seeking, and the clicker helped to distract her and switch her focus. Her need was emotional, but it was a need.

I very much believe that a lot of behaviour problems that people experience can be 100% solved by meeting a dog's real needs. In fact, I would offer that most everyday issues would. But there are cases where meeting a dog's needs is not enough. And it is those cases that I do turn to science and behaviour modification for. I live with two of those types of dogs (three actually, but two are mine).

I am a psych major, as some people know. But I think some people here also realize that I am just as spiritually connected to my pups as the next person is. I talk of emotions, needs, relationships, as being the most important things to me for my dogs. All of those thigns are thigns you can't study scientifically. But I feel them, I believe in them, and I study them (you would call a lot of these things qualitative study, as data is not quantified). Believe me when I tell you it leads to interesting conversations in my psych classes. ;-) As much as those things are important to me, I also see the usefulness of everything my psychology degree is providing me, and I just love the instrumental conditioning, classical conditioning, habituation, all that jazz. I can't get enough of it. And because I tend to post mostly in the behaviour sections, I also take part in a lot of scientific discussions. To be honest, for me it's not "just behaviour", as somebody once said. Behaviour is part of it, but I always look deeper, beyond what you see on the outside. To me, you often have to change what's on the inside first before the outside can begin to make change. It's why I do so love people like Turid, Clothier, and others as they have a philosophy similar to mine in a lot of ways. It's not one or the other to me, both are equally instrumental in my life with dogs, and they intertwine in very complex ways. I cannot really separate one from the other, as the principles I learn from, say, clicker work, is something that I apply every day without the use of a clicker as well.

I agree that list probably isn't in the best order. I don't think it was ever intended to be in order, unless I'm mistaken, more just listing them out as all being important to a dog's well being. I just like the list as a whole to give people an idea of what it means to treat a dog like a dog, and fulfill the dog, as a dog's, needs.

DPU

members seem not to want to talk about this because they are so sure they are satisfying their dog's every need

I like Willowchow's suggestion of play time, particularly tug of war. With a dog that lacks confidence, let him win.

Also you may want to consider some form of massage, T-Touch or Accupressure. I personally like The Well Connected Dog, by Amy Snow and Nancy Zidonis, but I think there are many touch-type things that will help with long term bonding. The one that works for you is the one that is best.

ron2

DPU

members seem not to want to talk about this because they are so sure they are satisfying their dog's every need

lol, seriously DPU, lighten up already!

 I like the idea of massage but would really have to take an official class on it to know what to do with my tiny little fellow. It's really hard to "massage" without either overpowering/scaring him or tickling him. (He's quite ticklish, especially his toes!)

In our own way we've kind of had that predictable unpredictability some of you are talking about, such as the same "dinner routine" but at different times, which maybe has helped? But we've also had to move several times already, and are about to move a couple more times, and I know it makes him feel more unsure and insecure. Not much we can do about it for the immediate future, though.

As far as "fulfilling the dog's needs" - what about this "having a job" business? Is it CM who talks about that? Like having some sort of task the dog is responsible for doing? I've never quite been able to figure that out - I'm not sure exactly what qualifies or how to go about specifying "this is your job, little doggy, not those other things I've taught you." Do any of you give your dogs "jobs," and does it help your relationship?

Rascal does love to explore, so we'll try to do more of that. He loves tromping through the woods and smelling new smells. I'm also trying to get him to be comfortable touching something that's in my hand - we can't tug or anything yet because as soon as I put my hand on something he drops it and jump away and looks at me like, "Why'd you spoil my fun?" We're trying to C/T for touching toys that I'm holding, but it's going sloooooowly.

I was also a psych major in college and in general am hyper-sensitive to behavioral cues, so sometimes I wonder if I'm not overreacting to Rascal's perceived "discomfort." But I don't think I am. If he's not happy or content or animated, there's some reason for it, I just wish we could sit down and talk about it so he could let me know what's bugging him!

Thanks for all the replies, I've found this thread to be quite educational and I really appreciate you all sharing your knowledge :)

Cita

As far as "fulfilling the dog's needs" - what about this "having a job" business? Is it CM who talks about that? Like having some sort of task the dog is responsible for doing? I've never quite been able to figure that out

Source: The Dog Whisperer 

The fact is that if you don't give your dog a job to do, she will become self-employed, such as the homework eating “student.” One of the main reasons that people have problems with their dogs is that the dog is unemployed, hence there is a lack of mental, physical, and emotional stimulation.

All animals are genetically encoded with the instinct to expend energy in order to survive. In Nature, this comes in the form of the hunt for food, safety from predators, and safety from the elements. They even have to work to mate and certainly to provide for their offspring.

In most cases, when we take dogs into our homes, they no longer have to work for anything. This creates a situation where the dog is unemployed. So, to fill the vacuum, she may herd the children or retrieve the neighbor's newspaper. She may guard her food and toys or protect the home from the mail carrier and even nice Aunt Minnie. An unemployed dog might express her boredom by exhibiting manifestations of stress such as chewing on the furniture or even herself, ripping up linoleum, and destroying houseplants.

Here are some of the top occupations that dogs take on:

1. They become gardeners. At the end of the day you come home and find your sprinkler heads and flowers torn up.
   
2. They become official greeters, jumping all over your visitors and knocking them over when they walk in the door.
   
3. They become home decorators. You come home and find all of your cushions and designer shoes chewed just the way they want them.
   
4. They become alarm systems. The only problem is that you can't turn off except when they are sleeping. So the neighbors hear your dog barking all day and all night long.
   
5. They become hunters. My dog Molly used to “capture” dead fish from around Lake Erie and proudly laid the garden mouse at my feet as she walked in the door.
   
6. They become the home security system, protecting the house from intruders. And if the dog is aggressive, poor old Uncle Bob might soon be referred to as “Lefty.”
   
7. They become firefighters. They put out all the imaginary fires on your furniture.

The solution is simple. Become your dog's employer. Employment is important because it not only provides the stimulation that your dog needs but also because it promotes and develops a sense of self, purpose, and pride. The objective of giving your dog a job to do is not to stop them from doing any of these behaviors–but to make you the boss. When you become your dog's employer, you tell him when and where he should do all of these behaviors….or not.

Then, the gardener dog learns to dig in a sandbox. The official greeter learns to lay down on his spot when the doorbell rings. The home decorator chews on appropriate objects, including such “smart toys” as especially designed tennis ball machines and gum ball machines for dogs; voice activated toys; and appropriate chew toys such as Kongs and Buster Cubes. The alarm system dog learns to bark three times when the mail carrier or visitor arrives and then lay down. The hunter learns to chase, track, hunt and kill Frisbees, pieces of cheese, and toys like Kongs. And the firefighter learns the proper places and times to eliminate.

Edited to add: Jaia and B'asia need jobs. They are simple things from the suggestions above to carrying a backpack on walks. When Jaia carries a backpack, he struts with pride. I'll have to get a video!
 

three cheers to a good strut...

I completely agree with giving a dog a job to boost confidence and build trust!  The job can be anything, the key is for the dog to know what his/her responsibilities are in a given situation... 

For example, right now, Wesleys has a few jobs he is working on - one is going to his spot whenever we eat in the den at the coffee table - otherwise, he would be right underneath us.  He knows better than to beg, but we are expecting our first baby in a few months and I want a clear message - when there is food in the den, you are on your bed.  You would think he wouldn't want to go because he has to leave the food area, but that is not the case; he gets very proud for trotting to his bed and he won't move until released.  He is fed a tidbit once we are done while still on the bed, before he is released, and he seems really pleased to know what we expect of him and be getting it right and getting rewarded for it.  The other job is that Wesley is re-learning what he needs to do when out hiking with us.  He used to just come and go as he pleased (which meant we could NEVER take him anywhere where there was any chance he could find a road or anything).  His new job involves staying within eyesight and learning a "with me" command, so whenever I say that he zooms back and has to stay within a 3 foot radius of me as I move...  I thought he wouldn't like it, because I am restricting his movement - but, he actually seems to like knowing where to be and he is very focused and I think having to keep track of me as a job also helps instill confidence and trust... 

It can really be anything - I like when the doorbell rings, go to your spot - we might take that one on next...  I also like training a dog to put away laundry or something else helpful that makes them part of the routine with their very own responsibilities.  I am not sure if this is what you meant by giving a dog a job, but I think many dogs need to know what is expected of them in particular situations and this boosts confidence and helps them trust you because they are getting it right...